The Journey Ends With You
by Cecilia1204
Summary: After Thorin banishes his lover from Erebor for stealing the Arkenstone, a broken-hearted Bella Baggins returns to the Shire only to find that Bag End is not as empty as she thought it was. Can Thorin ever get his hobbit back? AU, post BoFA and rated M for adult content. No major character deaths. Thorin x fem:Bilbo
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is the first story I've written in nearly three years and the first for this fandom so I'm more than a little nervous! **

**T****his story is post-BoFA and is definitely AU as will become readily apparent and has a feminine Bilbo. **

**I obviously don't own The Hobbit or any of its characters - if I did it sure wouldn't have ended the way it did.**

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**Chapter 1**

"You miserable hobbit! You traitorous female! I curse Gandalf for his choice of you! I would toss you down onto the rocks. You deserve no better!"

Bella Baggins, gasping for breath under his choking hold on her, stared through eyes blurred with tears at the man she loved. The rage and hate in his blue eyes as he shook her made her certain that he was going to carry out his threat and cast her down onto the sharp rocks below. She could feel his nails digging into the soft skin of her neck, sure that he had drawn blood.

Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain, the dwarf she had fallen in love with, had made love with, the one she wanted to marry, was gone. In his place was this stranger, spewing hateful words as he dangled her over the battlements located above the great front doors of Erebor. A stranger who, despite his deepest fear, had succumbed to the gold sickness that plagued his grandfather Thror and who now valued a rock, the cursed Arkenstone, more than the woman he claimed to love.

All Bella had wanted was to protect Thorin, protect all her beloved dwarves. She knew what the Arkenstone meant to Thorin - he'd spoken of it often enough on their quest - but all Bella could see was that he was going to be dragged into a war with the men from Lake Town and the elves of Mirkwood. And they only numbered thirteen. Thirteen against two armies. Even holed up within Erebor their deaths seemed a certainty from either a weapon or starvation. Thorin refused to negotiate with the men and elves, declaring he would rather die than give them one single piece of his gold and had sent for his cousin Dain, from the Iron Hills to help him fight if necessary. So Bella took matters into her own hands. There was no way she could let Thorin die, not after all they'd been through to reclaim his home.

When she accidentally found the Arkenstone she had been awed by the gem. About the size of her two fists, it seemed to glow with an unearthly light. Gazing into its depths, Bella could see what seemed to be all the colours of the universe and she was almost hypnotised by the beauty of it. Normally hobbits aren't that interested in things like gold and gems, preferring the beauty of flowers and the love of growing things but something inside her wanted desperately to keep it for herself. Why shouldn't this gem be her payment for her help with the quest? Hadn't she been the one to face the dragon, risking her own life? That it rightfully belonged to Thorin didn't seem to matter at that point in time.

A voice in her head urged her to keep her discovery from Thorin. Already there was something different about him. He had become distant from her, not even wanting to lay with her at night, preferring to be in the vast room of gold while searching frantically for the Arkenstone, the gem he felt provided proof of his right to rule, little knowing that Bella already had it in her backpack. Watching him, Bella felt a sting of guilt at her deception but it wasn't strong enough to make her want to give him the gem.

It wasn't until the men of LakeTown, led by Bard, marched on Erebor to demand their share of the gold for killing the dragon that Bella's heart began to bleed as she saw the lure of the gold sickness begin to take her love. That Bard was accompanied by Thranduil, the Elvenking of Mirkwood and his army of elves simply enraged Thorin even further, practically ensuring he wouldn't negotiate even if the growing gold sickness hadn't been a factor. The days drew on, with repeated demands made by Bard that were furiously rejected by Thorin unless Thranduil returned to his kingdom. They could all see that this standoff would end in bloodshed if neither side backed down.

Meanwhile, the entire Company could see the change in Thorin. He was quick to anger and had even shouted at Fili when his nephew had tentatively pointed out that their food stocks were running low. He was spending hours in the treasury room alternatively either digging through the gold or just sitting and admiring the metal with an unnatural gleam in his eyes. Nothing else seemed to matter.

And here, now, was the culmination of that madness.

It was when Bella had searched in her pack for another handkerchief and had seen the Arkenstone wrapped in her shirt that the idea had come to her. This stone was what was being coveted by the three races, make it four if she included herself. Even as the idea gained momentum in her mind, Bella knew that Thorin would be enraged and would probably see it as a betrayal on her part. Though she desperately wanted to keep the gem, the reality of their situation was getting clearer with every hour and her need to keep her dwarves alive became her main priority.

When she snuck out and offered the gem to Bard of Lake Town so that he may have a bargaining tool that would hopefully avoid bloodshed, she expected that she would incur the wrath of Thorin. That he may hate her for a while. The lure of the gem seemed to fade to nothing more than a guilty memory when faced with the reality of their situation. Bella held a faint hope that Thorin would somehow understand her reasoning for what she was doing. It seemed like wishful thinking yet she would rather a live Thorin hate her than for her to mourn for a dead love who had died so needlessly.

Bella never believed that Thorin would kill her for her perceived treachery.

"Uncle, NO!" yelled Kili, snapping out of the stunned paralysis that seemed to take hold when Thorin grabbed Bella and held her over the drop. He had seen Thorin in a rage before, but this was beyond that. This was madness.

Kili's voice seemed to rouse the rest of the Company from its shock as both Fili and Kili moved to grab Thorin, each taking hold of an arm and attempting to drag both him and Bella back from the edge.

"Uncle, don't do this," pleaded Fili.

Something in his voice seemed to penetrate the murderous fog clouding Thorin's mind. He took a step back, loosening his hold a fraction, just enough for Bella to take a ragged breath.

"Why should I not toss this traitor down to the men and elves she so loves?" thundered Thorin. "She stole from the King which is punishable by death."

"But uncle, you love her," replied Kili, his voice thick with unshed tears.

"Love? How could I love a treacherous rat?"

"Please uncle, let her go. You are hurting her," pleaded Fili in despair. "Please."

To everyone's relief, Thorin took a couple of steps back before dropping Bella onto the floor with enough force that Bella winced in pain. Her hands went to her throat as she took great gulps of air and could feel the tenderness that would become bruises. Looking down at her fingers she could see blood mixed with her tears and yet, none of that hurt as much as the pain in her heart.

"I'm…I'm s…sorry, Thorin," she rasped, her voice raw from her tears and from her bruised windpipe. "I…I just didn't…want any of you…to die. I love you."

"So you would steal from me, like those wretched elves? You would see me appear weak before their eyes?" he roared in fury.

"No! I…I just wanted to…prevent a fight. Over… gold," she replied, her sobs making it hard to speak.

"That is MY gold!" he thundered. "MINE!"

"Listen…to yourself, Thorin. The people of Lake Town…they…they deserve help to rebuild."

"That was not for you to decide! The Arkenstone belongs to my people and you dare give it to my enemies. You truly are a lying, thieving burglar, just like Gandalf said, curse him."

"Bard will return it for a fair share to help his people and rebuild his city," she pleaded.

"Be quiet, thief! I will not kill you, though you deserve it. Be gone from my sight and my mountain. If I ever see your face here again, you _will_ be killed." Thorin turned away to return inside.

"Thorin!" she cried.

"Get the thief off this mountain," he instructed the dwarves. "NOW!"

Bella's last sight of her beloved was the angry line of his back as he stalked back into the mountain, no doubt to relieve his anger amongst his precious gold. Grief overwhelmed her and she barely noticed when she was gently pulled to her feet. Looking up, she looked into the tear-filled eyes of Bofur.

"I'm sorry, lass. I…I wish…"

"I…I know, Bofur," she tried to reassure him through her tears. It wasn't their fault and she could not blame them for having to carry out Thorin's wishes, however much it pained them.

"Bella!" cried Kili as he hugged her, tears running down his face. "I…I hate him," he mumbled.

Gasping, Bella took his face in her hands. "No, Kili! He's your uncle and you love him, just as he loves you and Fili."

"That's not my uncle. I…I don't know who that is, but it's not my uncle."

"Lass, I'm sorry, but we have to lower you down," interrupted Balin gruffly. Bella could see the sadness in his eyes and nodded slowly.

She looked around at the Company, wanting one last look at the dwarves who had become her family and were so dear to her. Dwalin, Gloin and Nori all stared at the ground, unable to look her in the eye, discomfort visible in their faces. Bifur, Oin and Dori were shaking their heads in sadness and disappointment. Whether in disappointment at her actions or Thorin's, she couldn't tell. Fili, his eyes red, held her backpack, Bombur wringing his hands next to him.

Hearing a whimper, Bella turned her head and saw Ori, leaning against Kili, crying his heart out. Lovely, gentle Ori whom she had come to see as almost like a child .

Unable to help herself, Bella took him into her arms. "Oh Ori. Please don't cry," she whispered. "I'll be alright."

"I don't want you to go, Bella," he sobbed. "You… you belong here."

"I have to go, Ori. Thorin has commanded it and he is the King."

"But…but it's not…right. He's…not…"

"Shush," she stopped him, not wanting him to defy his king. It was one thing for her to defy Thorin, but Ori was a dwarf and this was his home and she would not have Thorin's anger rain down on him for going against his leader's wishes. "I don't want you to get into trouble, Ori. I will miss you and if…if you ever…ever pass by the Shire…" She didn't finish her sentence.

Ori nodded sadly. "I will miss you too, Bella."

"Lass, please…" reminded Balin, his eyes suspiciously moist.

Bella let go of Ori and nodded. Fili gave her the backpack before hugging her tightly.

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered. "I worry about Uncle."

Bella gave him a watery smile. "It's not your fault. You will be a fine ruler one day." She kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "Look after him," before letting go. Fili simply nodded.

Balin wrapped the rope around her waist as she secured the backpack. Dwalin and Dori moved forward to lower her down. With a last look, she sat on the battlement, waiting for the first drop. Normally that would terrify her, but now she couldn't even bring herself to care.

Dwalin ordered them to hold on to the rope securely and Bella was just about to push herself off when Kili ran forward and engulfed her in his arms. Bella couldn't help the slight wince where Thorin's dropping of her had given her bruises.

"I love you, Bella," he mumbled.

"I love you too, Kili," she replied, her tears beginning again. "I have to go," she insisted when he shook his head, not letting her go. During the journey, she had grown close to Kili, who in her eyes was little more than a teenager. He had told her stories about his mother, Dis, who was Thorin's sister and how he missed her and somehow he had come to see Bella as something of a substitute mother. His sunny nature reminded her of home and he had quickly found a place in her heart. At times during the beginning of their journey, Bella had often felt that Kili was her only friend. Leaving him hurt.

"No, it's not right."

"I have to, Kili."

"Then I'll come with you."

Pulling back a little, she looked at his eyes, red-rimmed from crying. "Please, don't make this harder for me," she pleaded, not sure if her heart could break any further. "You need to stay here. This is your home now. Fili needs you. So does your uncle, even if he doesn't know it right now."

Kili, after a long moment, nodded slowly and released her. Her pain was so clearly etched on her face and in that moment he truly hated his uncle. Thorin was supposed to protect and love her and instead had nearly killed her. All for some stinking pile of gold and a rock. He didn't know how he would ever look at his uncle with the same respect again.

With a nod to Dwalin, Bella signalled that she was ready to be lowered. She took one last look at her dwarves and with a small wave of goodbye to the Company, she pushed herself off the ledge.

Bella looked up as the rope lowered her inch by inch. All the dwarves, except for Dwalin and Dori who were carefully holding the rope, were looking over the battlement at her, their faces showing varying degrees of sadness and grief.

Every foot carried Bella further away from her dwarves, from Thorin, and she didn't know if she would ever be able to fill the chasm in her chest where her heart once resided.

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**A/N: I'd like to thank lizajay12 for her help with this story - her insights have been invaluable. She has a fantastic story called "All About Thorin" which you should have a look at - a great, fun and well-written read.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who's review, favourited or followed my story - it's very much appreciated as it's quite daunting to write again after such a long break. A while ago I accidentally clicked on something that blocked all my review alerts which means I only know I have a new review when I look at my FF account so if I apologise in advance if I miss out on thanking you - please just know I'm very grateful.**

**The story is AU so I have changed the sequence of events in the BoFA to suit my needs.**

**As usual I don't own anything - if I did I would have gotten myself a part in the movies!**

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**Chapter 2**

Bella lay on her bedroll in one the tents set up by Bard's army, numb with despair. The tears had finally stopped but now a sort of nothingness seemed to have taken over. Thorin's words kept playing in her head over and over, and her mind's eye kept seeing his eyes, those wonderful blue eyes that had so captivated her, glaring at her with hate.

If only she could sleep. It had been nearly a day since she had been banished from the mountain and she had not slept a moment in that time and how she wished that she could, just to escape the memory of Thorin, if only for a short time. Wearily she felt for the silver braid clasp that Thorin had given her forgetting for a moment that it must have fallen out when Thorin had attacked her. She had cried so hard when she'd realised that her one physical reminder of their love was now gone as well.

It seemed that Thorin's rage had not gone unnoticed by the men below. They and the elves had seen Bella dangling over the edge and it was only that Bard ordered them not to fire, fearing she would plunge to her death, that Thorin and his Company had not received a volley of arrows. When she was lowered safely instead, Bard ordered that she be brought to his tent where he could protect her.

While Bella was grateful that Bard and his men had shown her the utmost courtesy, providing her with food and shelter, she was just too upset to show much appreciation. A part of her wanted nothing more than to go home, back to the Shire and leave this accursed place, the other wanted to stay near to Thorin even if it meant her death.

Regardless, she could not leave yet as she needed a guide and provisions, something Bard could not give her, not while he was trying to persuade Thorin to give up Dale's share of the treasure. Persuade? As the heir of Girion of Dale, Bard wanted to restore his city so that the descendants of those who had perished or fled from Smaug's wrath could return home as well as provide for those left homeless by Smaug's attack on Lake Town. A part of the gold that Smaug had hoarded had belonged to the city of men and Bard was demanding that back from Thorin. Of course, as another King without a kingdom, getting his hands on part of the gold would virtually ensure that the descendants of Dale would accept his claim to the throne with little or no dissent so his motivation was not entirely selfless.

The small part of Bella that wasn't wallowing in misery shook its head at the lack of diplomacy shown by Bard. Thorin may have been more disposed to negotiate if Bard had approached the mountain with a few men instead of a virtual army making demands. Thorin's pride had carried him through the decades of exile in Ered Luin. At times, his pride was all he had. How could Bard talk to Thorin as if he were no better than a common servant? He obviously thought the Company had perished at Smaug's hands and the realisation that they were alive and well must have been a rude shock. To then proceed to threaten Thorin, instead of sending his men back and approaching in a more conciliatory manner just escalated hostilities and practically ensured Thorin would not be reasoned with, gold sickness notwithstanding.

Bringing elves too! What was Bard thinking? Bella had no sympathy whatsoever with Thranduil, the King of Mirkwood. Bella knew that he had turned his back on Thorin's people the day Smaug attacked Erebor, not even offering aid to the wounded and homeless. She could almost understand Thranduil's reluctance to fight Smaug, after all the chances against a dragon were slim to none, but to abandon the dwarves afterward? Bella could understand Thorin's hatred for elves, Mirkwood elves anyway. Then on their quest he had done nothing but hinder them, imprisoning the dwarves and only Bella's magic ring and her smarts had allowed them to escape. How dare he now come and demand a share of the gold? He could go and rot as far as Bella was concerned. Maybe Thranduil's leaving would have eased tensions but he stayed as if he had every right to be here and Bella cursed him for it.

Still, with Thorin now succumbing to the gold sickness, Bella doubted that any approach would have been any more successful. She only hoped that her sacrifice would lead to some sort of agreement and avoid bloodshed. She didn't know how long it would take Dain to arrive from the Iron Hills, but she had a bad feeling that his army's arrival would appear as an aggressive move by Thorin, so she prayed some resolution would occur before then.

Would giving the Arkenstone to Thorin have eased the gold sickness? Bella knew she could have promised Bard to give him her share of the gold instead of giving him the gem. Did she really have to betray Thorin's trust by giving away the stone when she knew how much it meant to him? Could she have used some other bargaining chip, whatever that may be?

Then she remembered the madness in Thorin's eyes as he shook her and her heart, or what was left of it, feared the worst. If she, who he had proclaimed to love and want to make his queen, couldn't make him see reason, what hope did anyone else? All the parties had their own agenda's and there seemed to be no middle ground.

"Bella! My dear!"

With a start, Bella sat up only to see the shadow of a tall figure at the entrance to the tent, his flowing robes identifying him instantly.

"Gandalf! You're here!" she cried, unable to stop the tears that began again at the sight of her friend. Hugging him tightly, she succumbed to the need for comfort she desperately needed. She knew she was probably making him terribly uncomfortable, but she couldn't help it.

"There now," Gandalf soothed, stroking her honeyed curls, much as a father would do to comfort his child. He let her cry for a few moments before gently lifting up her chin to look into her eyes. He winced internally at the aching pain he saw in them. He couldn't help but feel guilty that his involving her in Thorin's quest was the cause for the agony she was suffering now. "Hush now, my dear. Tell me what has happened."

Settling himself down onto Bella's mattress, he pulled Bella down to sit next to him and urged her to speak.

"It's Thorin. He's succumbed to the gold sickness, Gandalf," Bella told him sadly. She then proceeded to tell Gandalf all about the Arkenstone and her actions which led to Thorin banishing her from Erebor on pain of death. "He loved me, Gandalf. I know he did but once we got inside that mountain, the gold got a grip on him and the man I love is gone. I wish we had never gotten into that mountain. I wish I had never found that stone," she cried bitterly.

Gandalf couldn't help but feel anger at the dwarf king who had so hurt his little friend. He could see the angry bruises on her throat, the imprints of Thorin's fingers clearly visible. However justified or furious Thorin felt, he should never have laid a hand on her in anger. Bella had shown courage she never knew she had, had saved Thorin from getting killed by Azog and was now being treated like a common thief. He had worried about gold sickness as it did seem to affect the line of Durin but had hoped that Thorin would be strong enough to overcome it, considering how he had seen his grandfather so affected. It seemed he was wrong.

"I'm so sorry, my dear," he said sincerely. "I'm sorry I led you into this. I know it's not what you wanted."

Bella shook her head. "No, it's not your fault. I signed that contract of my own free will and I don't regret any of it." She took a deep breath. "Not even Thorin…" she whispered. "I just wish…"

"So do I," he nodded sadly.

The two sat for a few moments, lost in their own thoughts. The silence was interrupted by Bella. "Gandalf, what's going to happen? With Thorin, I mean. I know he's sent for his cousin Dain but they will have to go through the armies of Bard and Thranduil to get to Thorin and I can't see that happening without a fight. Thorin will see that as a declaration of war. I gave that gem to Bard in order to avoid a war and it looks like it will be for nothing." She looked at him pleadingly. "Can you not do something? Try to get Thorin to see reason? Get Bard to back off? Make Thranduil leave? Anything?"

Gandalf sighed deeply. "I will certainly try my dear, but you know the stubbornness of dwarves. It is bad at the best of times, but in the throes of gold sickness, well, it may nigh be impossible. And I don't hold high hopes of reasoning with Bard and Thranduil either."

Bella sank her head into her hands despairingly, knowing all too well the truth of Gandalf's words. She could clearly remember the incident with the trolls, how Thorin's insistence on camping in that particular spot, despite Gandalf's misgivings, had nearly led to their all becoming the trolls' supper. She recalled how Thorin still treated her harshly at that stage of their quest despite it being her actions that stalled for time until Gandalf was able to return and save them. She remembered feeling a sharp pain in her chest when Thorin would not even acknowledge her part in their rescue, his words to her as harsh as ever.

"I know, Gandalf," she whispered. Taking a shuddering breath, she looked at him. "I want to go home. I need to go home. There's nothing here for me anymore, Gandalf. Even if I wanted to stay I couldn't as Thorin promised he'd kill me if he saw me again." Oh how it hurt to say those words. "Can you take me home, Gandalf?"

Gandalf gave her a sympathetic smile. "Once I get this business sorted out, one way or the other, I promise I will take you back to the Shire."

"Can you promise that there won't be any fighting?" she asked him despite already knowing the answer.

He shook his head sadly. "You know I can't promise that, Bella, but I will do my very best to make sure Thorin stays alive."

"I know."

Before any more words could be spoken, a messenger came rushing into the tent. "Mithrandir! Lord Bard needs to speak to you urgently!"

Gandalf and Bella looked at each other questioningly as Gandalf rose to his feet.

"I must go, my dear. I will return when I can," he said, patting her gently on the shoulder.

"Do you think Dain's army has arrived?" she asked fearfully.

"I fear that may be the case," he agreed. Seeing the panic in her eyes he tried to reassure her. "Fear not, little one. Things will work out as they are meant to happen."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she replied worriedly.

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The stench of the dragon was a pervasive presence over much of Erebor's interior. Thorin's lip curled disgustedly every time he caught a whiff of the smell. It was particularly strong within the treasury room as that was where Smaug had spent most of his time, nestled amongst the piles and piles of dwarven gold and treasures. Thorin was determined to get rid of all traces of that foul creature even if it meant washing every single piece of gold and every artefact by hand.

Despite the smell, Thorin's heart sang as he looked at the enormous amount of gold all around him. This... this was what he had longed for, for so long. The right to reclaim his home and his treasure. He and his people had suffered for so long, in exile and poverty and no man or damned elf was going to take it from him again!

Damn that traitorous hobbit! He was going to make her his queen! All this would have been hers but no, she believed that he was _obligated_ to give away some of his treasure to the men of Lake Town. That he, Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain, needed to cower under the threat of the human and elven armies and _negotiate_ with them. Over his dead body! Thorin Oakenshield bowed to no-one, much less the thrice-damned Elvenking Thranduil who turned his back on the dwarves in their time of need, imprisoned his Company within his cells and now demanded their treasure.

Thorin let out a roar of fury. Damn her! Damn her and all hobbits! She had stolen his Arkenstone, his birthright and had given it to the enemy. He had trusted her, let her into his heart when it had been cold for so long and this is what she did with it? How dare she say she loved him! It was all a trick. All of it. Every kiss, every touch, every word. Bella Baggins was lucky he hadn't killed her. It was no less than she deserved.

He looked down at his clenched hands, remembering the look of terror on her face as he held her by the throat. The same soft throat that he had kissed and tasted, so sweet and warm. He could still hear her soft purrs and moans as he suckled on the skin just below her ear as his body moved within hers, bringing both of them such pleasure, her hands gripping his hair as she shattered in ecstasy taking him along with her. Thorin closed his eyes as a wave of desire swept over him, his body reacting to the vivid images by becoming tight and flushed. Bella…

The tinkle of a gold coin dropping snapped him out of his reverie and as his eyes fell on the golden sheen of the mountain of treasure all traces of regret fled his mind. This was the important thing. This gold was all that mattered. The only thing that mattered. When he got the Arkenstone back, all would know that Thorin was the rightful ruler of Erebor and his kingdom would be envied throughout Middle Earth as it was before the dragon came.

It could have been minutes or hours later, as Thorin rummaged through the treasure, picking up golden chalices, gem encrusted necklaces and armour that the sound of hurried footsteps grew closer to the treasury room. Thorin's first instinct was to reach for Orcrist, both to protect himself and his treasure.

"Thorin!" gasped Bofur, hand on his chest as he struggled to catch his breath. "Thorin, Dain's army has arrived!"

"Mahal, this is good news! With his help, we can protect our mountain and treasure," replied Thorin as he raced towards the battlement where the dwarves had been keeping watch for Dain and against any move made by the men and elves.

Bofur followed behind his king, so Thorin didn't see the look of disquiet on his face. He had seen the look on Thorin's face as he entered the treasury and it filled him with dread. It was a look of avarice and obsession, the look some men would have when they looked upon the woman they desired, only this was for gold. Now Bofur loved gold and gems as much as any dwarf, but not to the extent that he would forsake his love as Thorin had done with Bella. Bofur had not slept a wink last night as the memories of Bella's face kept resurfacing and he couldn't help but feel guilty that he hadn't done anything to help her. He should have spoken up in her defence, should have protected his little friend. That Thorin had harmed a woman, any woman, much less the woman he claimed to love, had Bofur terrified of the madness that seemed to have taken his king.

"Dain's army is not being allowed through," said Bofur as they ran. "The armies of the men and elves are refusing to let Dain get to us."

"Bastards!" growled Thorin. "This will mean war if they don't back down. Dain's army will crush them like the filth they are."

Once Thorin reached the battlement, threats were made between him and the leaders below. At one point Thorin grabbed Kili's bow and let loose an arrow which luckily didn't hit anyone but made the standoff even tenser. At this point the dwarves were certain it would come to a fight and none of them held out much hope, even if Dain managed to get through to help defend Erebor.

The tension was palpable and the archers from Bard's and Thranduil's army's had their arrows pointed towards Thorin and his Company. It would just take one move from either side and there would be no turning back.

"STOP!"

All eyes turned to the owner of the voice. Pushing his way through Bard's army, Gandalf made it to the doors of Erebor. "Stop this insanity."

"The only insane one here is you, wizard," yelled Thorin from above. "If you think you will make me give up my gold…"

"Your gold be damned!" roared Gandalf. "This is more important than your cursed gold, Thorin, son of Thrain. I have just had word that there is an army of orcs and goblins on their way. If you do not unite, their numbers will be enough to destroy you all!"

"What is this, Mithrandir?" asked Bard incredulously. "Orcs? Goblins?"

"The ravens that have long been the messengers of the dwarves of Erebor have brought word that there is a legion of orcs and goblins no more than a day away and they are intent on destroying everything and taking the mountain."

"Over my dead body!" declared Thorin.

"That is what you will be if you do not prepare," replied Gandalf. "You must put aside your differences for now and stand together if you are to survive."

"We will be safe inside Erebor," claimed Thorin. "They will not be able to breach our gates."

"And condemn everyone else? How long before you starve to death? Do you truly believe that you will hold out against that number of enemies? You have truly succumbed to the gold sickness if you believe that."

Despite the murmurings of disquiet from his Company, Thorin refused to back down. Turning to them he began giving orders to shore up the gates and prepare to defend the mountain.

"Uncle? How are we to stop them?" asked a visibly nervous Fili. "Shouldn't we help…"

"No! We will hold out. We will not help those who wish to steal from us," declared Thorin. "Now, do as I say and get prepared."

As the dwarves moved to obey their leader, Thorin caught a glimpse of metal on the ground, glinting in the sun. Bending over, he took a closer look and realised it was the silver bead he had used to secure the braid he'd put in Bella's hair. It was one engraved with the symbol of the House of Durin and signified to any who understood its meaning that Bella belonged to Thorin as his intended.

With a hollow feeling in his stomach, Thorin picked up the bead, determinedly pushing away the memory of the night he gave it to Bella. With a shake of his head, he put the bead in his pocket and moved to assist his men.

Bella stood at the entrance of the tent and watched the hurried movements of the soldiers of Lake Town. It was obvious that something was happening and Bella could only pray that Thorin would come to his senses. She tried to ask a passing elven soldier for information but he only bowed quickly and hurriedly left to wherever he was headed.

* * *

She was about to set out to find someone who could tell her what was going on when she saw Gandalf hurrying towards her.

"Gandalf," she cried in relief. At last, here was someone who could fill her in and tell her what was happening.

"Bella," he replied in a rush. "You must leave immediately. You need to head towards the forest."

"What? Why?"

"An army of orcs and goblins are headed this way and they intend to kill anyone they can. If you stay you may be killed."

"What about Thorin? What does he say?" she asked anxiously.

Gandalf just shook his head. "The sickness has a strong hold. He claims that he can hold out within the mountain."

"But they don't have much food! They will starve if the orcs lay siege," she cried.

"I hope that he will see reason once they arrive. They will all have to band together, men, elves and dwarves, if they have any hope of coming out of this alive."

Hobbit and wizard looked at each other, both their hearts filled with dread for what lay ahead.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to lizajay12 for her insights and editing efforts.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much to all of you have reviewed or added my story to your alerts and/or favourites. I'm sorry I haven't replied to your reviews but they are very much welcomed and appreciated. **

**How awesome was the trailer for The Desolation of Smaug? I simply can't wait for it. And Thorin looks so sexy at the end in the scene with Bilbo, I had to watch that bit over and over :)**

**As usual, I don't own any of the characters, I only wish I owned Thorin.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Despite Gandalf's insistence, Bella refused to leave and head towards the forest so he told her to find a hiding spot and be prepared to run if it came to it. She just couldn't leave without knowing if Thorin would be alright. He may hate her now but she still loved him and she couldn't live the rest of her life wondering if he had survived the battle. Oh, she had no illusions of helping him fight or anything like that. She was no fighter and any deeds she had performed during the quest were purely out of instinct and sheer panic and besides, Thorin would probably run her through with his sword if he saw her anywhere near him. Despite that, she would stay and help in any way she could, perhaps helping the wounded.

The first indication she got that the black armies had arrived was the distant rumbling of what sounded like thunder. The activity in the camp now became frenetic, the shouts of orders being given and the stomping of feet moving out to meet the enemy drowning out other noises.

It wasn't long before sounds of fighting were heard and Bella could hardly bear hearing the cries of pain as weapons struck flesh, wounding or killing their target. Several times she was pushed aside as men and elves moved towards the fighting, joined now by Dain's forces. Somehow, Bella made her way to a small outcropping of rock where she could see much of the fighting below her. It was horrible. Bodies lay strewn over the blood soaked ground as the vicious fighting carried on over and around them.

Bella couldn't see her dwarves and part of her was glad they were still in the mountain as she was sure they would be killed if they joined in this fight, selfish as that thought was. She had not paid such a high price trying to keep Thorin safe only to lose him to an orc blade.

No sooner had she thought it, than the gates of Erebor opened and her heart sunk like lead when she saw Thorin race out and rush headlong into the battle followed by his loyal company.

"No, Thorin, no!" she whispered raggedly to herself.

* * *

The company sat huddled near the barricaded gate and Thorin was aware of the looks being sent his way, particularly from his nephews. It was impossible to miss Kili's glares and looks of reproach from Fili. Thorin didn't know if it was because of his treatment of the hobbit or because he refused to assist the armies outside to fight the orcish army. He suspected it was both.

None could miss the sounds of fighting outside and the Company grew more and more restless. It went totally against their nature to sit here cowering when they should be out there helping fight the scum. The warriors of the group were especially twitchy, in particular Dwalin, who was clenching and unclenching his fists around his war hammers. All his instincts urged him to go out there and kill as many of the filth as possible but his loyalty to Thorin was still stronger than his own wishes.

"Sitting here like cowards," he murmured angrily to himself though it was audible to all of them.

During the standoff with Bard and Thranduil, Thorin had instructed the dwarves to search the treasury and surrounding rooms for armour and weapons that could be used to replace that which they had lost in Mirkwood when prisoners of the elves. Whilst they had managed to retrieve their weapons, their armour was long gone but there were many replacements to be found within Smaug's hoard. All of them now donned breastplates and vambraces, which while not fitting perfectly, nevertheless provided them some sort of protection in the event of a fight.

"Thorin," said Fili. When Thorin looked at him he continued. "We should be out there helping not in here hiding. Even if they are only men and elves, they still deserve our help against orcs and goblins. Nothing is worse than them," he implored his uncle. "Dain's army is also fighting. Will we leave them to die when they came to our aid?"

Thorin didn't say anything but he could feel the guilt growing in his belly. With every glare and look from one of his men, the fog that had clouded his thinking since they entered the mountain seemed to lift. He began to question his actions as he became more and more ashamed of himself.

What had he done? Oh Mahal, what had he _done_?

He had done the very thing he had been so afraid of. He had succumbed to the lust for gold, just like his grandfather, forsaking the very person whom he loved most in the world. He had acted like a crazed man who cared for no one but himself and refused to listen to anyone, not his trusted friends, his nephews or the woman he loved. He had acted like the lowliest thug, not the king he was supposed to be.

He had physically hurt a woman. He had hurt his One, the love of his life, his Bella. Oh Mahal!

Thorin had to stop the groan from leaving his lips as the pain hit him harder than any sword could inflict. If he were alone he would have sobbed with remorse when he remembered her little face filled with terror and pain. He had sent her away, cursed her and called her things that had him wanting to cut out his tongue in self-disgust. Yes, she had deceived him and it hurt that she had put her trust in others and not him, that she preferred he look like a weak leader and give in to their demands; but she didn't deserve to be nearly killed by his own hands for it. She, who had wanted to help him, love him and wanted only his safety even if he could not agree with her method of achieving it. He deserved to die for what he had done.

Why were they inside when there was a battle going on outside? He was shaming himself and all his ancestors by not fighting. He had not suffered so much and for so long in order to reclaim his kingdom, as had his loyal Company, only to see it fall to orcs and goblins as had so many other Dwarven kingdoms.

The madness now lifted, Thorin's mind was the clearest it had been since they entered Erebor and there was only one thing to be done. Protect their home or die trying. He would rather die with honour out there than sit in here like a coward. As he looked at his men, he could see they all had the same thought.

Standing up, he drew Orcrist from its scabbard and faced his men. "My head is clear now. I have acted in a manner not befitting a king and for that I apologise to you all. It is not right for us to sit here and not defend our home. Will you follow your un-deserving king and fight for the honour of our race with me?"

A rumbling growl of approval was heard throughout the Company as they leapt to their feet, weapons brandished. With the strength of giants, the barricades were pulled away and the gates were opened. The scene before them was horrific but all the dwarves were ready to fight and die for their king and home.

"_DU BEKAR!_" cried Thorin.

"_DU BEKAR!_" replied his men as they launched themselves into the fray.

As Thorin flung himself into the fight, urging the armies to rally to him, he prayed that Mahal would allow him to survive so that he might somehow have the chance to earn his beloved's forgiveness.

* * *

It was chaos.

Bella couldn't help the tears as she watched her dwarves run into the thick of the fighting, their bodies quickly surrounded by both allies and enemies. While she was proud of Thorin's bravery as he charged headlong into the fray and quickly assumed leadership of the massed armies of men, elves and dwarves, rallying the forces as his majestic figure cut down orcs and goblins at terrifying speed, for the most part she was simply terrified. There were just too many of the enemy. Desperately, she tried to keep Thorin in sight but it became increasingly difficult with so many bodies surrounding him. She was also trying to watch for her dwarves, making out Dwalin's war hammers as they crushed enemy bodies with the ferocity that he was known for. She thought she could see Kili and Fili near to Thorin and wrung her hands in fear. Kili was fighting with his sword, and while more than competent, the bow was his natural weapon and Bella was terrified he would be struck down. She prayed that Fili and Thorin would be able to stay close and protect him if necessary.

On top of all the chaotic fighting, elven archers were firing arrows into the enemy forces and Bella couldn't help worry that her boys might be hit by friendly fire in all the confusion.

So intent was she on keeping watch for the dwarves, Bella didn't notice the lone orc that had climbed up onto the outcropping, his face breaking out in a ghastly smile when he saw her. The first she knew of him was when he grabbed the hair at the back of her head and pulled her upright, his evil cackle causing her heart to nearly stop in horror and pain.

"What a tasty morsel," he grunted, his foul breath making her gag. "Might have me some fun 'fore I kill ya."

_Oh why didn't I put on my ring_, Bella thought desperately as she struggled against the orc's grip and felt a clump of hair being pulled out of her head. She cried out when he threw her onto the sharp ground and followed with his body, nearly knocking the breath from her. She was kicking and scratching him with all her strength but he only laughed evilly as he grappled with her trousers.

Frantically trying to get a grip on Sting, Bella attempted to bring her knee up to hit him in the groin but he had her legs pinned down. With his body in the way, she couldn't reach the hilt of her sword properly.

_Thorin, help me_, she pleaded as it looked likely that she was going to die but before that, this orc was going to rape and torture her first. Already she could feel her lip swelling where he had backhanded her.

Images of Thorin looking down at her with tenderness in eyes as he tried to teach her some moves with her little sword flooded her mind. His words that she must do whatever it takes to survive came back to her so strongly that she could almost hear his voice speaking to her and it gave her the strength for one last effort to fight back.

Almost without thinking, Bella leaned up and bit the orc right on the nose. The taste of his foul skin made her heave but she refused to let go until, with a cry of pain, the orc released her just enough that she was able to grab Sting. Letting go of his nose, Bella brought the blade up as much as she could and it was enough to cut into the creature's hip and groin area.

Screaming, the orc pulled himself up to see what had cut him, black blood pouring from the wounds on his nose and hip and Bella used the opportunity to scramble back in order to get to her feet and run.

The orc howled in rage and lifted his blade in order to strike her down but at that moment an arrow struck him in the face, throwing him back against the rocks where his limbs shook briefly before he died.

Bella panted with relief and terror and nearly screamed when a hand gently took her arm. Looking up, she saw the handsome face of one of the Mirkwood elves who was pulling her to her feet.

"My lady, you should not be here. It is much too dangerous for a woman, much less a Halfling," he warned with a frown. "What are you doing here?"

"I was trying to hide but obviously I didn't do a very good job," she replied with a grimace. "He came from nowhere."

"You need to get out of here quickly," the elf warned. "There are groups of orcs headed this way which is why I am here, trying to stop the advance. Others will arrive shortly and it will be fierce. Please, my lady, run from here."

Bella nodded quickly. "Yes. Yes, I'm going. Thank you for saving my life," she gave him a small smile of gratitude.

The elf bowed his head in acknowledgement. "For a tiny thing, you were doing remarkably well but I am glad I was able to assist you. Now go before you get even more hurt," he insisted forcefully.

With a wave Bella took off, deciding to head towards the gates of Erebor. If she could get inside then she could hide within its cavernous interior. She wanted to keep a look out for Thorin, but it was impossible to stay here when the fight was spreading out and her spot would be overrun by enemy and ally alike.

As she made her way towards the gate, she decided to put the ring on as it would give her the chance to pass by unseen. The encounter with the orc had been terrifying and she didn't want to get caught by another one as she weaved her way between fighting bodies.

Once the ring was on her finger the world became shrouded in the grey, hazy way that the ring caused. Bella didn't like wearing it as it made her feel cold and hopeless, as if all the joy was sucked out of her but there was no choice now. She could see soldiers fighting against goblins but they all seemed to be moving in slow motion. It was a very disturbing sensation.

Bella was just making her way around a large boulder when she felt something strike her head hard. The blow made the dizziness already caused by the ring even worse and she stumbled towards the boulder. She reached out to use the rock as a support but missed and fell forward, striking her forehead against the rock, the world fading into blackness.

* * *

The fighting was vicious and within moments Thorin was covered in blood, both red and black. Orcrist was but a blur as he slashed and hacked at any foul creature that tried to attack him, all the while trying to keep an eye on his nephews. He simply couldn't lose them too.

From the corner of his eye he could see Dwalin fighting ferociously, his war cries enough to strike fear into the heart of most enemies. Beside him stood his brother Balin, always ready to have his back if needed. They were his best friends and there was no one he'd rather fight alongside.

Thorin manoeuvred closer to Fili and Kili, both dispatching orcs and goblins as quickly as they could but the wave of enemies seemed never ending. Around him Thorin could see bodies of men, elves and dwarves and could only hope their pain had ended quickly.

Suddenly he heard Kili cry out in pain. Turning swiftly he saw blood pouring from Kili's arm where a goblin had slashed him. With a roar of fury, Thorin swung his blade, beheading the beast.

"Are you alright?" he asked his nephew while fighting off more goblins.

"Yes, I can still fight," grunted Kili, using his good arm to keep hacking at the enemy.

"Stay near me," urged Thorin.

Fili, covered in blood, looked worriedly at his brother, his twin blades a blur of motion. "There's too many of them!" he cried out and grunted when he was pushed to the side. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Bofur give him a grim smile as he finished off the orc that was about to stab him in the back. "Thanks."

Bofur nodded. "You're welcome, lad," he said with a grin before returning to the fight.

The battle raged on and Thorin was suffering from cuts and bruises all over his body but he kept fighting with all the strength he had. As a trained warrior he was almost on autopilot, his actions coming automatically leaving his mind some room to think of her. He hoped that Bella had fled the area long before the fighting started and was safe. Thinking of her gave him strength to keep going, determined to live and find her again.

"Thorin!"

Looking up, he saw the ghostly figure of his nemesis. Azog grinned maliciously as he began taunting him, his warg's white fur and teeth dripping with the blood of his previous victims.

Lifting himself to his full height, Thorin stared down his opponent and knew this fight would be to the bitter end. When Azog said something in his foul language and laughed evilly, Thorin gave his loudest battle cry and rushed at the evil creature in a scene reminiscent of that on the cliff top after escaping Goblin Town.

Sheer fury, pain and revenge fuelled Thorin, his blade raised ominously. With a cry he brought Orcrist's blade down and slashed the warg's neck, almost decapitating him. The animal fell instantly tossing Azog onto the ground. With the advantage of not having to fight the animal as well as its master, Thorin ran forward to finish off his enemy but was hit from the side by another goblin, making him stumble and nearly fall. The distraction gave Azog enough time to get up and charge at him and Thorin only managed to raise his shield in the nick of time. For a few moments they were evenly poised, neither gaining over the other but Azog found another reserve of strength and pushed Thorin back, just enough to stab the spikes he used as a hand through Thorin's side, Thorin not quick enough to use the shield to protect himself.

Thorin cried out and stumbled back, holding his arm with the shield to the wound and trying to stem the blood. His heavy armour had protected him to a degree but the imperfect fit had left enough of a gap to allow the weapon to pierce him and the wound still felt deep. Gritting his teeth, Thorin struck back, managing to cut Azog across the face but he began to feel lightheaded as he lost blood. Knowing he had to finish this before he passed out, Thorin almost threw himself at the orc but Azog managed to lift his own crude shield and strike Thorin on the side of his head with a force that caused the dwarf's knees to buckle and bend. Unable to stay on his feet, Thorin fell to the ground with a thud. The blackness was trying to take him but he was fighting it with everything he had just to stay conscious.

Looking up through a haze of pain, he saw Azog standing over him, a cruel smile on his lips as he raised his spiked arm in order to finish him.

_I love you, Bella_ was his last thought as the spike began to lower.

_No! No, this foul creature will not take another of Durin's line! For my grandfather, my father and for myself, I will not let him kill me. _

Summoning the last reserves of whatever strength remained, Thorin lifted his blade at the same moment that Azog leant towards him. As the sword pierced Azog's flesh, his own downward momentum effectively impaled him upon the blade, cutting through flesh and organs.

With a choked gurgle, Azog fell forward onto Thorin, his own spikes stabbing Thorin in the upper chest. For an endless moment the mortal enemies stared at each other, both knowing this was the end, for one of them at least. Finally, Azog breathed his last, his body crushing Thorin's.

"Uncle!"

Trying to fight off the blackness that was threatening to take him, Thorin could vaguely make out his nephew's voice. He was being crushed by Azog's body and breathing was nearly impossible, not to mention he still had Azog's spikes buried in his flesh.

"Ki…li!" he whispered, his voice faint as he struggled to stay conscious.

Panting heavily, his arm hanging uselessly beside him, Kili knelt down and began trying to push Azog's corpse off him, yelling out for help. Other hands appeared and together they freed Thorin.

"Uncle! He's dead. You killed him. And look! The eagles and Beorn are here to help us," he cried, his voice shaking with tears of pain and exhaustion.

Thorin managed to look up and saw an eagle throwing a number orcs against a mountain face before giving his nephew a faint smile. He tried to speak but his injuries finally took their toll and he lost consciousness.

* * *

A/N: Thanks once again to lizajay12 for her insights and editing skills.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you so much to all of you who have reviewed, or added me to your alerts or favourites. It's very much appreciated. **

**You've obviously realised I don't own any of the characters - if I did, Thorin and Aragorn would be my personal love slaves!**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

_Oh, my head hurts! _

That was the first thought that ran through Bella's mind when she regained consciousness. The throbbing pain was excruciating and felt like a thousand orcs were drumming on the inside of her skull. With a groan, Bella lifted her hands to her head in attempt to keep her brain from exploding. Several moments were spent just lying still as nausea swept over her.

When the immediate urge to throw up passed, Bella opened one eye and immediately felt sick again as the cold, hazy world of the ring came into view. She obviously still had the magic ring on and wondered why that was.

Then the events before she had passed out came flooding back with a vengeance. Thorin, the battle, the orc – all of it. Bella gasped as the memories assaulted her, making her head throb even more. Taking a deep breath, Bella attempted to get her bearings.

The first thing she noticed was that she was slightly wedged under a boulder, one leg in the gap between the rock and the ground, the other in open air. Several small rocks were digging into her skin where she lay on the hard ground so she shifted a little, trying to ignore the pain in her head and was relieved to find that she could easily pull her leg out and nothing seemed to be broken, except her head maybe. The nausea was ever present but she didn't want to remove the ring until she was sure she was safely hidden, not wanting another encounter with an orc.

That's when Bella became aware that the sounds of fighting were no longer present. Instead she could hear groans of pain and cries of anguish as names were called out, obviously in search of missing or hurt comrades.

Biting her lip, she slowly pushed herself upright and leaned back against the rock as she steadied herself. When she opened her eyes, even through the haze, she could see that the fighting was over. Instead, there were dwarves, men and elves searching through the bodies of their fallen comrades, looking for survivors. She watched one man kneel down and frantically try to awaken another man on the ground, only to lower his head in grief when realisation of his friend's death struck. Tears sprang to her eyes as she watched him.

Thorin! Where was Thorin? Was he alive? The others? What happened to them all?

Fear for her dwarves struck panic into her heart as she stood up abruptly, her only thought to find them. That was until she nearly collapsed again as pain pierced her head so sharply that she had to hold onto the rock or fall. Taking deep gulps of air, she willed the pain to subside and shakily took off the ring. Other than dead ones, she couldn't see any orcs or goblins near her so it should be safe now.

The instant the ring was off her finger, she felt slightly better. With the world in focus again the nausea subsided a little, enough to allow her to think a little more clearly, anyway. Now she had to find her boys.

Turning in the direction she had last seen Thorin, Bella began unsteadily making her way towards battle fields as her eyes strayed to the bodies on the ground, desperately hoping she wouldn't see someone she knew. A couple of times her heart caught in her throat as she spotted an item of clothing that looked similar to what her dwarves had been wearing before bending over and realising it was someone else. Then guilt would strike her for being relieved that it was not who she was looking for, knowing that there may be someone who would mourn the dead person. The pain in her head was becoming almost unbearable but she could not stop until she knew.

_Please let Thorin be safe. Please. Please let all of them be safe. _

As she was stepping over the body of a dead goblin, she swayed unsteadily and would have fallen onto it but for a hand that grabbed the back of her coat.

"The Halfling?" someone asked in confusion.

Looking up at the owner of the voice, her vision blurring, Bella could see it was a man, most likely one of Bard's men. She opened her mouth to say something but it felt like it was stuffed with wool and couldn't get any words out.

"Everyone thought you had fled the area," the man continued as he held onto her shoulders to steady her. "Mithrandir was asking if anyone had seen you leave."

"Mith…" was all she managed to utter.

"Come, he is over by the healing tents. I'm sure he will be very relieved to see his little friend."

Bella tried to move her feet in order to follow him but the dizziness only got worse and she was sure she was going to collapse. The man turned around, saw her sway and in one move, picked her up in his arms. With their height difference she looked like a child being carried by a parent although she was most probably older than him.

With quick strides, the man picked his way through the bodies still on the ground and walked towards a group of tents that were situated just to the side of the front gates of Erebor. As they got closer, he asked an elf if he knew where Mithrandir was and was directed to the furthermost tent.

The movement of being in this man's arms was making Bella feel almost seasick, her head was pounding viciously and she couldn't control the cry of pain she made when the man made to avoid a small pothole which resulted in her being jolted around.

"Mithrandir! Someone get the wizard!" the man called out, not breaking stride.

The front flap of the tent opened and the tall figure of the grey wizard stepped out, curious as to why he was being called so urgently. His sharp eyes quickly spied Bard's man as well as the person he was carrying and a huge smile broke out over his face, his eyes twinkling with relief.

"Bella! My dear, you are alive!" he exclaimed as he rushed towards her.

Whether it was the relief of seeing a familiar face or just the result of her head injury, Bella only managed a small wave of her hand before her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she lost consciousness.

* * *

"Awake at last."

The sound of that well known voice made Bella open her eyes and turn towards its owner. It was a great relief to realise that her head didn't hurt anymore, or rather the pain was only a dull ache and more than manageable. She was lying on soft pallet inside a tent with the grey wizard seated beside her, a relieved smile on his wrinkled face.

"Gandalf," she said hoarsely and lifted her hand to reach for him. "I'm so glad to see you."

Taking her tiny hand in his much larger ones, he looked at her as if trying to read her mind. "As am I, my dear. I was greatly worried about you."

Then she remembered. "Thorin! Gandalf, what of Thorin? Is he alive? Is he hurt? Please Gandalf, you must know. What about Fili and Kili and the others? Tell me, Gandalf, please," she pleaded, tears flooding her eyes in panic and fear as she struggled to sit up.

"Hush now, my dear," soothed Gandalf, his hands gently pushing her back down. "Thorin is alive, as is the rest of the Company."

Bella felt almost faint with relief at the news. He's alive! Their estrangement, if you could call his hatred of her that, would hit her later but all she could feel now was joy that her beloved Thorin hadn't been killed in battle. Even if he could never forgive her, at least he was still alive in the world. As were her beloved dwarves, every one of them.

"Is he alright? Was he hurt? Where is he? We're any of the others hurt?" she asked rapidly.

"Thorin was hurt in the battle." Ignoring her gasp, he continued. "Azog attempted to kill him and very nearly succeeded. Where Thorin found the strength, I do not know, but he killed Azog as he was about to impale Thorin. Thorin suffered some deep wounds as well as a serious head injury but he is alive and expected to fully recover although he has not yet recovered consciousness."

"And Kili? How is he?"

"His arm was badly wounded. He was lucky it wasn't severed but Thranduil's healers managed to save it and with luck and time, he will regain full use of it."

"What of the others?"

"Oh, nothing too major. Cuts, bruises, a few broken ribs and bones. Nothing that won't heal," he assured her.

Bella nodded her head, thinking of Thorin. Would she be able to see him one more time before she left? He'd said he would kill her if he saw her face again but she wanted to see for herself that he was alive before returned to the Shire, never seeing him again.

"Gandalf, I want to see Thorin. Do you think you could take me to where he is?" she asked. "I just need to see him for myself. Before I go, I mean."

The wizard sighed and looked sadly at the little hobbit. "Do you think that's wise? Remember the last thing he said to you? Can you not trust my word that Thorin will live?"

"It's not that I don't believe you, Gandalf, I swear. And I know that he hates me and probably always will especially when he looks at that damned rock, but I need to look at his face one last time. I want to remember it as it was, without the gold sickness and the anger. I don't need to talk to him, not that he'd allow that even if he was awake. Just look at him, just once more."

There was silence for a few moments as Bella felt the grief hit her again. She wanted nothing more than to hold Thorin again, tell him she loved him still and if there was a part of her that felt fear of being at the receiving end of his anger again, she would not think on it now. That would come later, when she was away from here, from him and time had eased the pain a little.

"I'm sorry, my dear. Sorry that this has come to pass. I am sorry that you are hurting." He sat up straighter before going on. "I will take you to Thorin but it will not be today." He raised his hand to stop the protest that was about burst from her. "Bella, my dear, you have suffered from a severe concussion and you have been unconscious for the past two days."

"Two days!" she gasped in shock.

"Yes and it was only due to the elven healer's skill that things were not worse. From the size of the bump on your head, you were hit with a projectile and it's just luck that it didn't kill you. You need to rest and recover today and tomorrow, after a night's rest, I will take you to him."

"Another thing I have to be grateful to that elf king for," she grumbled, to Gandalf's amusement. "Alright, I will do as you say, Gandalf." Taking a deep breath she continued. "When…when do you think I will be able to leave to return home?"

Gandalf stroked his beard as he thought on her question. "Now that you are awake, the healer will want to check you over and once he declares you well enough to travel, we can leave shortly after that. Hopefully within a few days."

"Thank you Gandalf. Are you sure you can spare the time? I can ask Bard if he has someone who can guide me past the Misty Mountains."

"Of course, my dear. As if I would let you make your way home with a stranger. It was I that led you into this adventure, however reluctantly, and I will see you get home safely. Perhaps you can spend some time in some of the places we visited on our way here? Beorn's or Rivendell come to mind."

Bella smiled at him. "Yes, it would be nice to spend some time in Rivendell and visit Beorn again if he and Lord Elrond are agreeable. Perhaps we can avoid Goblin Town and maybe even Thranduil's caves. Once in this lifetime is more than enough, I believe."

Gandalf chuckled. "Oh, Thranduil isn't that bad once you get to know him."

Bella just snorted. "You weren't the one imprisoned by him nor did you have to brave river rapids to escape. I'm grateful to him for allowing his healers to help Kili and myself, but that's as far as my regard for him goes."

"Yes, well, perhaps his actions weren't the most honourable but there are worse people in Middle Earth," replied Gandalf with a smile.

Bella only nodded when her stomach rumbled loudly. Who knows how many days it had been since she had eaten? While her body had gotten used to not eating as often as normal hobbits during the long quest, she still did like her food.

"Well, my dear, I suggest we take care of this immediate problem and then we shall tackle the larger ones."

* * *

It wasn't until mid morning the following day that Bella was allowed to get up, much to her relief. The headache had all but disappeared and while she still had a number of bruises and was a little stiff and sore, it was nothing she could not cope with.

Gandalf was assisting with mediations between the former warring parties although not much could be decided until Thorin awoke. Dain had set his men to repairing Erebor's gates more permanently as well as guarding the entrance. The other two leaders were organising the disposal of the dead orcs and goblins and the arrangements for returning the fallen soldiers back to their respective homes and families. It was a sombre time for all.

Despite all his running around, Gandalf informed Bella that he was making preparations for them to leave in two days time. Apparently Thranduil had offered to send some of his elves to meet them at the edge of Mirkwood forest in order to guide them safely through to the other side and provide them with supplies. Bella grumbled at having to accept the Elven King's help but she was not silly enough to refuse it. _Where was this help when we were travelling in the other direction, hmm? _She thought spitefully.

From there Gandalf proposed that they spend a few days resting at Beorn's house. He had told her of the skin-changer's timely appearance on the battlefield and how his and the Eagle's intervention had helped turn the tide and enabled the allied armies to gain the upper hand and all but wipe out the orc and goblin forces.

"I wish I had been awake to see the Eagles again," said Bella. "I'll never be grateful enough for the help they gave us on the cliff side but I must say that if I never fly again on the back of one of those majestic creatures, it will be much too soon," she quipped, making Gandalf chuckle.

Gandalf admitted that he hoped to persuade Beorn to accompany them in crossing the Misty Mountains as there were probably still bands of goblins hiding within its depths before heading on to Rivendell. How long they stayed there would depend on Bella and she couldn't help but feel some excitement at the thought of properly exploring the place. Maybe it would help take her mind off Thorin. Somehow, she doubted it.

But first, she needed to see Thorin.

Bella decided that she would go and see him just before she and Gandalf left. That way, only Gandalf would be witness to the copious tears she was sure to shed as she left behind her shattered heart.

For the rest of the day, Bella kept busy by helping with changing bandages and assisting the wounded eat and generally doing whatever tasks needed doing. She was also trying to keep out of sight of her dwarves. Her dwarves? No, they weren't her dwarves anymore but she would miss them all. They had shared many adventures together and despite how it all ended, their memories would be very dear to her for the rest of her life and maybe, someday in the future, she might meet some of them again.

She smiled to herself as she thought about them as she helped prepare food.

Balin, who had been so kind to her, right from the beginning and his brother Dwalin. He had terrified her at first, with his size and appearance but she had come to see the truly loyal person he was beneath the scary exterior.

Oin and Gloin, both so different but fiercely protective of each other. Some of the misunderstandings caused by Oin's faulty hearing had made her chuckle but his skill at healing was undeniable. Gloin was gruff and blustery but when he spoke of his wife and son, the sheer adoration in his face was a wonder to see.

Sly Nori, with his quick fingers. She'd had to keep an eye out on her backpack a few times until she had threatened to cut off his eyebrows during the night if he touched it again. Mother-hen Dori with his chamomile tea. He loved having a natter while they were sitting around the campfire at night; and sweet little Ori, their self-appointed scribe. Just a child really but with a huge heart that made her simply want to hug him.

And then there were the Ur brothers, Bofur and Bombur and their cousin Bifur. Goodness, hadn't Bifur taken her aback when she first met him! Who gets an axe lodged in their head and lives to talk about it? Only a hardy dwarf, obviously. And maybe he could only speak in ancient Khuzdul, but still, it was amazing when one thought about it. Bella didn't think she'd ever seen a person, of any race, that was as large as Bombur. She'd thought hobbits had healthy appetites but Bombur put them all to shame. Still, he had often managed to scrounge up some amazing meals for them even when supplies were scarce although Bofur would say that was for his own benefit, not the Company's. Bofur, so kind and cheerful even when things were at their worst. How many times, when homesickness hit her particularly hard, would he come out with something cheeky and make her laugh. He and Kili had been the first to befriend her and she would be forever grateful.

Fili and Kili, Thorin's nephews and heirs. Such naughty, cheerful, cheeky, brave, loyal and wonderful boys they were. She who had no siblings had loved watching the two brothers together and had wished many times she had had a brother or sister to always rely on. They were inseparable and Bella dreaded to think of anything happening to either one of them even if that had looked like a distinct possibility when they would pull a prank on one of the unsuspecting company members.

Whether it was because he was the youngest or because he had been the first to make her feel welcome, Bella had a special place in her heart for Kili. She had never meant to become a substitute mother figure to Kili but their relationship had evolved like that, probably due to the simple fact that she was a female. Bella was glad that she was able to give Kili a little comfort during the perilous quest when he had been badly missing his mother.

Sometimes, when she had been lying next to Thorin, enveloped in his warm arms, she had mused on the possibility of having a child with him and if it would be anything like Kili. She would have liked that.

Now that possibility was gone and it cut so deeply that she didn't know how she was going to bear it. _No, not now_, she scolded herself_. I'll think about Thorin after I've left when I know there will be no possibility of me being able to throw myself at him and beg him to let me stay._

With that she shook off her melancholy thoughts and carried on with her tasks and prepared to leave the mountain forever.

* * *

Bella tentatively made her way towards the entrance of the tent where Thorin was located, her heart thumping like a drum inside her. Gandalf was waiting for her with their horses (or pony in her case) and supplies at the edge of the encampment. She planned to look her last at Thorin, say her goodbyes and leave his life forever, as he wished.

Standing in front of the opening flap stood Dwalin, guarding his king as always. Bella couldn't help but admire his fierce loyalty to his friend but she was afraid of Dwalin's reaction at seeing her trying to see Thorin. Would he strike her down before she even had a chance to explain why she was here? Thorin's words when he banished her were unmistakeable and even if Dwalin had any fondness for her, he would still never take her side against Thorin. He probably thought she had brought it on herself by stealing the Arkenstone. Still, she was determined to see Thorin once more.

Taking hesitant steps, Bella moved closer to the burly dwarf, halting when he spotted her. Dwalin growled low in his throat and took a step towards her but despite her fear, she held her ground.

"H…hello, Dwalin," she said softly.

"What do you want?" he replied tersely. "You should have been gone by now."

Bella nodded. "I know and I'm going, I promise. Gandalf and I are leaving this morning, I swear, but I need to see Thorin before I go. Please Dwalin, I just want to say my goodbyes to him," she pleaded, tears filling her eyes.

"He's not awake yet," he said gruffly. "And he'd have my head if I let you anywhere near him. Not that I blame him."

Wringing her hands, Bella begged him. "Please Dwalin. I know you're angry with me but I'm begging you, let me see him. I'll only be a moment. I just need to see with my own eyes that he's alright." She looked up him beseechingly and she saw the brief conflict in his eyes before his face hardened again. What if he wouldn't let her in?

"Be off with you hobbit," he growled. "You have no place here."

"Oh now, brother, surely a moment won't hurt? He's not even awake so he'll never know."

Bella turned and smiled at the kindly face of Balin. "That's all I need, just a moment and then none of you will ever see me again. Please Balin," she pleaded, unable to keep the tears from falling.

"You know Thorin said 'on pain of death'. She should have already left," Dwalin muttered behind her.

Balin nodded sagely. "I know, brother, but there was a battle so there would have been little chance of leaving with the necessities she would require for the journey. Let her pass, Dwalin. If Thorin finds out, I will take responsibility."

Bella impulsively hugged the dwarf before withdrawing just as quickly. "Thank you Balin. I promise I'll be gone before you know it." Balin only nodded with a sad smile. Taking a deep breath, Bella walked past Dwalin, not missing his unhappy growl and pushed open the flap.

Lying on a pallet in the middle of the tent was Thorin. Bella could see many bruises on his torso which was bare except for two large dressings on his side and near his shoulder. His head was wrapped in a bandage which covered nearly half his face, the other half with a myriad of cuts and scratches. He was laying so still, only the faint rise and fall of his chest indicating that he was alive and not lying in state.

Bella pressed her hand to her mouth to stop herself from crying out. He looked so hurt but he was alive. Alive! Even though Gandalf had reassured her, she hadn't really believed it until now. She moved a little closer but not enough to touch him. She didn't think she'd have the strength not to if she got too near.

She took in her fill of him, knowing Dwalin was waiting impatiently outside and would doubtless have no hesitation in dragging her out if she took too long.

"I'm…I'm glad you are going to be alright, Thorin," she whispered as tears clogged her voice. "I was so worried about you, and the others, but mostly you. I know you can act…rashly at times and I feared for you. I…I saw you leave the mountain and I was proud of you. Terrified, but proud."

She halted, not knowing how to go on. "I came to see for myself that you were alive…and to say goodbye. I know you never want to see me again and that if you were awake, you'd probably kill me. You nearly did before. I thought I was doing the right thing to keep you alive but obviously not. Not in your eyes, anyway. You believe I betrayed you…and…and maybe I did but not with the intention of hurting you. I knew you would be angry but…but…I never thought you'd hurt me like that." Bella had to stop for a moment, sobs threatening to burst out. Gathering the threads of her composure, she continued. "I never thought I would be afraid of you, Thorin. Even when you were cruel to me, you never threatened me physically but now…now, I don't know what to think. I…I suppose it doesn't matter now, I'll be long gone by the time you wake up."

Bella reached out a hand but stopped herself before it came into contact with him, withdrawing it to her chest. "I…I pray…I truly pray that the sickness no longer has a hold on you. You're too good a man to let it consume you. I hope you become the king you want to be and that Erebor becomes great again like you dreamed. I…I hope you will be happy. I want to thank you for allowing me to go on this adventure with you even if it didn't end how we wanted it to. Maybe one day you'll think a little better of me. I know I won't ever forget you. You've given me both the most joy and greatest pain I've ever experienced or probably ever will again. Still, that's what happens when you run out your front door, I suppose, and venture into the unknown."

She heard movement outside and suspected that Dwalin was getting ready to come in and throw her out so she took one last look at the man she loved, committing his face to memory. Unable to help herself this time, she took a step forward and gently brushed her fingertips against his brow before moving down to trace his lips. They were cracked and rough now but she remembered how soft they could be.

"Goodbye Thorin. Goodbye my love. May Mahal always keep you safe."

Blinded by tears, Bella stumbled out of the tent, whispered goodbye to Dwalin and Balin and made her way to where Gandalf waited as quickly as she was able before she completely broke down.

* * *

A/N: Once I'd like to thank lizajay12 for her editing work. If you love Thorin, you should really check out her story "All About Thorin" - lots of lovely Thorin goodness in every chapter.

My next chapter will be a few days late as I am going away for a few days - travelling to another state just so my girls can see One Direction in concert (twice). The things you do for your kids!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, I'm back from our hunt for One Direction! Harry blew my daughter a kiss - now the air space around her face is considered sacred ground, lol!**

**Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews and to all who added me to their Alerts or Favourites - it's a great feeling to know you are enjoying the story.**

**I'm a dye-in-the-wool HEA kinda girl so this story will end happily but it will take a while for us to get there. So while there will be angst, it will all end well.**

**As usual, I don't own any of the characters but if I did, I would have included myself in the quest - except I'd only stay in 5-star hotels!**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"How is he?" asked Balin, his face mirroring his concern.

Beside him stood Dain, Thorin's cousin and ruler of the dwarves of the Iron Hills, looking equally as concerned. "Will he be alright?"

"Aye, 'tis just a fever," replied Oin as he carefully sponged down his king's heated skin with a cool cloth as he attempted to reduce his temperature. "We expected this to happen. He is fighting off an infection caused by the filth on that vile creature's weapon." Looking up, he took in the worried faces of the two dwarves. "The elven healer has given me herbs that will help with the infection and as long as we can keep his temperature down, he will recover. Thorin is strong, gentlemen. He will survive this," he reassured them.

"Then why hasn't he awoken yet?" asked Dain. "It's been nearly a week since he was struck down."

"The blow to Thorin's head is the primary cause and is not helped by the fever. The strike may have caused a crack in his skull and would have bruised his brain. It needs to heal itself and this is nature's way of ensuring Thorin doesn't do more damage to himself. The blood loss was great and he needs to replenish it. These things, along with the fever and infection are ensuring Thorin does not wake. His body has endured a great deal and is trying very hard to heal itself. We will help it along as much as we can but for now we must simply wait."

The two dwarves nodded in understanding before leaving to attend to other matters. With Thorin out of action, the two were representing him in their dealings with Bard and Thranduil, making sure that Thorin was not cheated in negotiations due to his not being able to be there. All parties had agreed to hold off on any major decisions until Thorin was fit enough to join them.

Both Balin and Dain were greatly experienced in the politics and tactics involved when negotiating with high ranking officials of other kingdoms. Dain had ruled his people for many years and Balin had been an advisor to King Thror before the dragon came and had been Thorin's right hand man during the long years in exile.

As such, Balin had agreed to give Bard enough gold to enable him to immediately assist his people, food and shelter being the priorities. The final amount of gold would not be decided until Thorin was able to join the negotiations and the gold already given would be deducted from the total agreed upon. Dain had initially argued against giving the men anything until Thorin awoke but Balin had reasoned that this is what Thorin probably would have done in the first place had he been approached in a different manner and he hadn't been affected by the gold sickness. Balin knew Thorin was a good and fair person and would have seen this as the right thing to do when he was thinking straight again. As a sign of goodwill, Bard had reluctantly returned the Arkenstone which was then promptly stored away safely back inside the mountain under continuous guard.

Several of the company came to see Thorin during the day, including Fili who had sat next to Thorin telling him about what was happening around the camp and how Kili was recovering from his wounds. Fili wouldn't admit it but he was afraid that Thorin would not wake up as that would mean he would have to take Thorin's place as King. As Thorin's heir he had been groomed for the role all his life but he in no way felt ready to take on the responsibility yet. So he kept seeking assurances from Oin that Thorin would live, to the point that Oin would toss him out when Fili had annoyed him too much. Right now, Fili was watching Oin sponge Thorin down, a worried look on his face.

Before he was able to ask yet again about Thorin, the man in question began moving around, his arms twitching and making jerky movements.

"He's moving!" exclaimed Fili.

"Thank Mahal," replied Oin. "He may be coming back to us."

As Thorin's movements became more violent, Oin had Fili take one of Thorin's arms and hold it down in case he accidently reopened one of his wounds. It wasn't long before sounds began emerging from Thorin's mouth, most just guttural noises, nothing comprehensible, and his torso began twisting around. The sounds grew louder and it was becoming harder to hold Thorin down when Dwalin stepped inside, alarmed by the noises coming from inside the tent. He took in the situation at a glance and hurried over to assist them.

"Here Dwalin, take hold of his arm and shoulder while I get a calming draught to give him. If he keeps this up, he will definitely reopen his wounds," said Oin as he hurried to get the ingredients together.

The two dwarves watched their king as his flushed face became dotted with sweat and the sounds became more frequent. Just as they as they were about to send for more assistance, Thorin opened his unseeing eyes, sat up a little and gave an agonised cry.

"_BELLA!_"

* * *

_He was inside his mountain, sitting amongst countless priceless artefacts but his greatest treasure was beside him, draped in gems from head to foot and little else. Bella was smiling up at him, a lustful twinkle in her eyes as she stroked the huge stone hanging between her naked breasts. The glow from the gem gave her skin an iridescent sheen but he thought she outshone all the gold and gems in the room. Unable to resist the lure of his little hobbit, he bent over her and kissed her plump lips. They were like ambrosia to him and he could happily drown in her taste and when she opened her mouth and let him explore, he thought he had._

_Her arms encircled his neck, hands buried in his thick hair as his lips moved over her face and down her neck, licking and sipping from her skin as he went. Her little whimpers had him as hard as the rock his mountain was made from and he eagerly looked forward to entering her tight little body and loving her until they were both beyond sated. Taking her nipple into his mouth, he lovingly suckled it, his tongue teasing the pebbled skin until she cried out. With a satisfied grin, he let the nipple go before giving its twin the same treatment. Bella writhed beneath him, her small hands trying to guide him to where she needed him most. He lifted his head and looked down at his treasure and thought that not even the Arkenstone could compare with her beauty._

"_Thorin, please," she begged._

_Desiring to give Bella everything she ever wanted, he moved between her thighs and was about to push into her when the ground below them gave way, Bella's screams ringing in his ears._

_He could not feel himself falling but somehow he was standing in front the Goblin King deep within the goblin caves of the Misty Mountains. _

"_You're dead! Gandalf killed you," he cried out in confusion. "I saw it with my own eyes."_

_The Goblin King cackled with sinister delight. "Really? Then why am I here, Thorin, Son of Thrain, King of Nothing?"_

_Ignoring the insult, he looked frantically around. Where was she? Where was Bella? He moved to try to find her, but dozens of goblins surrounded him and pushed him towards their King. Next to him stood a torture device comprised of two slabs of wood embedded with dozens of metal spikes facing each other. He could see this device was meant impale its victim between both slabs until all organs were pierced. Somehow, as he was being dragged towards the machine, his sword, Orcrist, appeared in his hand. Without hesitation, he lopped the heads off the nearest goblins and used the distraction to run in the opposite direction only to grind to a halt as another nightmare met his eyes._

_In front of him, astride his foul beast, sat Azog with a malicious smile on his evil face. That wasn't the horror though. The true horror was the tiny body impaled on the end of the spikes that Azog used as a hand. Her unseeing eyes looked directly at him as the rest of her body was soaked in blood, the prongs protruding from her front._

"_NO!" he cried out, tears springing to his eyes. "Please no."_

_Azog just laughed at the other man's distress. "Once again, I've taken what you love, Thorin, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror. You should have let me kill you, then you wouldn't have needed to witness me killing your woman."_

_Shaking his head in disbelief, he couldn't help the whimper that left his lips. This can't be real! It can't! We got away from Azog. Bella saved me._

"_Thorin Oakenshield, reduced to a whimpering pile of dwarf dung," Azog mocked. "Before I finish you for good, maybe you would like one last hold of your beloved?" He looked at Azog in confusion. "Oh, before I forget," Azog sneered, "Your nephews will be the next to die at my hand, as painfully as possible." With that, Azog threw Bella's body at him._

_His hands automatically reached out to grab her and the momentum of the throw pushed him off the edge of the walkway into the depths below. Expecting to hit rock as he landed, he was surprised to feel himself immersed in cold, rushing water and even more shocked when Bella clung on to him as they floated down what seemed to be river rapids. _

"_Bella, you're alive!"_

"_Of course I am, you silly dwarf but we won't be for long if we don't get out of this river!" she replied tersely._

_Despite their precarious circumstances, he couldn't feel anything but relief that his Bella was not dead. How had that happened? Before he could ponder over the strange happenings a loud roaring sound caught his attention and when he turned towards it, he saw the edge of a waterfall directly in their path._

"_Thorin, we're going to go over!" screamed Bella as they rushed towards the drop._

_What was happening? Was any of this real? It felt real but was so bizarre he couldn't be sure. Tightening his grip on Bella, he attempted to swim towards the shore but the current was too strong and then the white foam of the waterfall was filling their mouths as the water crashed into underwater boulders._

"_Hold on, my love!" he yelled above the din and in the next instant, the two went sailing over the edge, Bella screaming in his ear as they looked down to the bottom far, far below. _

_The drop seemed to be endless and he was certain they were both going to be dashed against the rocks below but then they were back in Erebor's treasury, dry and unhurt._

_Relieved to be unharmed, he crushed Bella to his chest as he scattered kisses all over her face. He felt so happy to be with her. About to suggest that they retreat to his bedchamber he was surprised when she pulled away from him abruptly and took a number of steps back._

"_Bella?"_

_Her saw her drop her hand into her pocket and with a strange smile on her face, she pulled out the Arkenstone, its many facets throwing out beams of colour around the room._

"_Is this what you want?" she asked in a strange tone. "Is this what you would kill for? Is it? Is this rock more important than me?" She held out the Arkenstone to him with a look of hatred on her face. "You would kill _me_ because of it, wouldn't you, Thorin?_

_He shook his head in confusion. What was she doing? "N…no, I would never harm you. I love you," he denied, reaching for her._

"_Really? Prove it!" With those words, she tossed the stone over the battlement that they were now standing on._

"_NO! That belongs to me!" he yelled, a tremendous rage filling him. When she laughed sarcastically, he gave a roar and reached for her, taking her by the throat and squeezing. _

_Even though she struggled to breathe, she kept laughing hatefully at him. "I knew it all along," she wheezed even as he dangled her over the drop. "A pretty rock is more important than the love of your One. You're no better than your grandfather! "_

"_Stop it! You know nothing!" he roared. "You're nothing but a treacherous rat! I should kill you." As he said the words, he could feel himself wanting to stop uttering them and he wanted to let go of her and prove her wrong, but he couldn't. Instead, he squeezed even tighter and he watched the hate turn to fear._

"_D…do it…then," she gasped._

_Even though his head was screaming not to let go, his fingers slowly released their hold on her and he watched her fall down into the chasm below. Panicked, he attempted to catch her again but as he looked down his eyes widened in horror. Below her, his mouth open to swallow her whole, fire streaming from his nostrils was Smaug waiting to catch his prey. _

"_I love you," she said as she fell, smiling up at him._

"_BELLA! _

* * *

Hands were holding him down and he fought them in a panic. Bella! He had to stop her fall!

"Thorin!"

He could hear her calling his name and her fall seemed endless. Why couldn't he jump after her? Maybe he could change her trajectory or if not, at least he would be with her at the end.

"Thorin!"

It was so hot. Smaug's flames must be getting stronger and still she called him. What had he done?

"_THORIN!_"

Dragged from his nightmare, Thorin opened bloodshot eyes and saw the worried face of his nephew. Panting, he looked around and saw several hands holding his arms. "Bella!" he whispered hoarsely. "I killed her! Oh Mahal, I killed her!"

Fili was horrified to see tears spring into his uncle's eyes. Even though he was very unwell and had obviously been having a nightmare, it was terribly disconcerting to see his proud, warrior uncle so undone.

"No Uncle! No, it wasn't real. Bella is alive," he insisted, looking into Thorin's confused eyes, his face flushed and dripping with sweat. "You had a nightmare, Uncle, that's all."

Fili's words seemed to penetrate the panicked fog of Thorin's mind and he visibly relaxed a little. "She's…alive?"

"Yes, I swear."

"I need to…see her," he rasped. "Where is she?"

Fili looked up at Dwalin, uncertainty in his face. What should he say? Thorin was still battling the fever and wasn't in his right mind. Would telling him that he had banished Bella make things worse? Would it hinder his recovery? He looked up at Oin and saw him give an imperceptible shake of his head.

"Ahh…she's…she's…" he stuttered, trying to think of an excuse.

"She's out helping the wounded and will come and see you when she's finished," said Dwalin, ignoring Fili's grateful look.

"Yes, and you need to take something to help that fever and let you rest," said Oin as he came over with a brew in his hands.

"No, I want…to see… Bella," Thorin insisted weakly, the strength gained from his nightmare now faded as he lay back on the bed. "Bella."

"Drink this, and I'll have someone fetch her," soothed Oin, holding the cup to Thorin's lips.

Calmed by the thought that he would see Bella soon, Thorin obediently drank the brew, grimacing in disgust at the taste.

"Well done," praised Oin. "You'll feel better very soon."

_Bella. Where are you? I need you?_ Thorin thought drowsily as the potion quickly took effect and he feel into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

The next time he woke the fever was gone and he was able to look around and see where he was. It looked like he was lying on a pallet inside a tent. When he tried to sit up, he groaned as pain shot through him. He looked down and saw the bandages that covered his torso and figured he had pulled on his stitches.

"Good to see you return to the land of the living."

Stiffly, he turned his head and saw Bofur sitting beside him and gave him a grunt and a questioning look.

"I'm just babysitting while Oin takes a break," Bofur chuckled at Thorin's glare. "How are you feeling, anyway?"

"Like I had a fight with a warg."

"Nice to see you haven't lost your sunny disposition," quipped Bofur, feeling safe in the knowledge that Thorin wasn't capable of throttling him in his current condition.

"How is Kili?" He could remember seeing Kili being wounded during the battle.

"Oh, he'll be fine. With a very impressive scar on his arm and it may take a while to get full use of it back but it will heal in time."

"And the others?"

"All fine, couple'a broken ribs and whatnot, but otherwise in one piece," reassured Bofur. "You were the worst hurt out of us all."

Thorin nodded, relieved he hadn't lost any of his men. He had enough on his conscience to feel guilty about without having to add that. "How long have I been here?"

"Oh, now, it must be around eight or nine days?" Bofur mused, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "Eight days. That's right."

Eight days! No wonder he felt so weak which was maddening. Mahal knows how much could have gone wrong in eight days. Did he still have a kingdom or had it been stolen while he was asleep_? Balin! I need to see Balin. He will tell me what has been happening._

Gritting his teeth against the pain, Thorin attempted to sit up, ignoring Bofur's protests that he must stay in bed. The bandage on his head slipped and covered one eye and he was impatiently pushing it out of the way when Oin returned, followed by Dwalin.

"What do you think you are doing, Thorin?" demanded Oin as he rushed to push the injured king back down. "You will rip the stitches and you are in no condition to get up," he admonished angrily.

"I need to speak with Balin," growled Thorin. "I have lain here long enough. I have a kingdom to see to."

"You are still recovering and you will be as weak as a baby until you build up your strength again. You suffered a severe head injury, multiple bruises, major blood loss and a raging fever. If you try to get up now I can promise that you will simply collapse in a heap right away."

"Aye, don't be a fool Thorin," agreed Dwalin. "I'll send for Balin. He and Dain have been taking care of things in your absence and he can tell you what has been done."

Despite wanting to defy them all, Thorin knew he didn't have the strength to walk anywhere no matter how much he wanted to. He had no choice but to do as Oin said and recuperate as quickly as possible. Signifying his compliance he asked to see Balin and Dain. He would do what he could from his sickbed. There was so much to do.

While he waited and Oin fussed around checking his dressings, his thoughts turned to _her_. Was she gone? Was she safe? Did she hate him? _Of course she does, you fool!_ After what he did, how could she not?

The image of her beautiful face looking at him with such fear flooded his mind. Those chocolate brown eyes that he had lost himself in filled with terror and tears because of him. The pain in his heart was so intense that he couldn't help the gasp that left his lips and it was only by sheer effort of will that he was able to keep tears at bay.

It was lucky that Oin attributed this to his reaction at having his wounds poked and prodded. Thorin could not admit out loud that his broken heart hurt more than any injury inflicted by his worst enemy.

* * *

A/N: A huge thank you to lizajay12 for her help with the proofreading and editing of this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello again! Thank you so much for your reviews, alerts and favourites. I'm really happy you're enjoying the story as I'm enjoying writing it very much.**

**The chapters will tend to alternate between Bella's and Thorin' POVs, with some having both in the one chapter. That's why I prefer to write in 3rd person as I like to know what all the characters are thinking and feeling.**

**For those of you in the UK and Europe, stay safe in the coming storm and I hope everything will be alright. We've just had bushfires in Sydney and my daughter's friend lost her home so I feel for all who have to weather nature's fury.**

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**Chapter 6**

Gandalf looked worriedly at his silently weeping companion. Since they had left Erebor three hours ago, Bella had not stopped crying. Luckily her pony, Bridie, was a gentle animal that was happy to follow his horse's lead as she was certainly not receiving any guidance from Bella.

He wished there was something he could do to ease her suffering but there was no power in Middle Earth or in Arda that could ease the pain of a broken heart. It had to heal on its own, or at least find enough acceptance of the situation to allow its owner to carry on with their life. He had been alive for countless millennia and Gandalf knew that the most difficult wound to heal was that of heartbreak. It would take a long time for Bella to overcome this.

"I think now would be an ideal time for us to take rest, my dear," he said, having spotted a small group of rocks that would provide a bit of shelter from the cool breeze that had sprung up on their journey.

Bella simply nodded as Bridie followed Gandalf towards the rocks where they were to take a break. He watched as she wiped her eyes with her handkerchief before wordlessly dismounting. He took in her puffy, red eyes and blotchy face and couldn't help feeling guilty that he had been the one to drag her into this whole ordeal in the first place. If he could have foreseen what would happen between Bella and Thorin, he may have considered her involvement more carefully but it was done and he could do nothing to turn back the clock.

They silently cared for the animals before sitting down to eat their own meal of bread and cheese. Bella stared at it for a long while, lost in thought. She had yet to eat any of it.

"Bella, my dear," said Gandalf sternly, his tone making her look at him questioningly. "I know you are suffering a great deal and if there was any way that I could ease your pain, I would gladly do it, but there is none. But you must eat, Bella. We have a long journey in front of us and you must keep up your strength and stay healthy if you are to arrive in Bag End at the end of it."

Bella dropped her head into her hands, a picture of abject misery. "How long, Gandalf? How long before it stops feeling as if an arrow is piercing my heart, before I can think of anything but how he looked at me with such hatred? How do I stop feeling like a piece of my heart is being torn away with every league we travel further away from him?"

Shaking his head, Gandalf reached over and gently brushed his hand over her tawny curls seeking to give her some comfort. "I wish I could give you an answer, I truly do, but I cannot. I know it is difficult to accept now but please believe me when I say that you will not always feel this way. My many years on this earth have shown me that time truly does heal all wounds or at least eases them to a dull ache. You will probably always feel pain when you think about Thorin but it will not be the all-encompassing emotion you feel now. You will be able to move forward with your life."

"Will I though?" She asked. "Will I ever be able to feel for anyone else what I feel for him?"

"Maybe not and that may have to be a burden you bear for the rest of your days but you are strong, Bella. Far, far stronger than you ever believed yourself to be. You have proved that time and time again on this quest and I know you are strong enough to overcome this as you did all the other travails that beset you on the journey to the mountain."

Bella wiped her eyes with her sleeve and looked at him. "You told me that I would be forever changed if I returned, Gandalf, but I never dreamed it would be like this."

"Neither did I, my dear, neither did I." He took a long puff of his pipe, lost in thought and regret before returning his gaze to her. "Do you wish you had never met Thorin?"

She gave him a small, sad smile as another tear dripped down her cheek. "No. No, I don't regret meeting Thorin. How could I regret meeting the love of my life?"

With that, Bella forced herself to eat her food and neither spoke until it was time to continue with their journey.

* * *

They travelled on until the sun began to set and Gandalf decided to make camp near a small copse of trees. Now that they had travelled several hours away from the mountain, the landscape was showing more vegetation and although sparse still, there were trees dotted around, enough to provide some shelter and firewood. It would take several days for them to get to the borders of Mirkwood as they travelled around Long Lake, rather than over it as they had when they had left Lake Town previously.

Bella was glad about this as she had heard Bard tell of the destruction of the town and had been saddened to learn of the numerous deaths caused by the angry dragon. She felt a certain guilt in that she had been the one to inadvertently tell Smaug of the town's aid in getting to the mountain and she didn't want to see what that information had wrought with her own eyes, cowardly though that may seem. She felt too emotionally battered to be able to cope with that.

Lake Town had its own personal significance to her and seeing its destruction would be tantamount to witnessing the physical manifestation of the destruction of her and Thorin's relationship. It was there that they had finally admitted to the feelings that had been growing between them, possibly from the first time they met, but certainly from the time Bella had defended Thorin against Azog. It was in Lake Town that their relationship had become physical, neither able to resist succumbing to the desire that scorched between them. If Gandalf inadvertently spared her that pain, then she was grateful for it.

Having a wizard around that was able to manipulate fire was certainly a very useful thing to have when one travelled as he was able to easily get a fire going once they had gathered enough firewood. Despite the many months travelling with the Company and the skills she had learned, starting campfires was not one of them. Bella had made them a meal as Gandalf freely admitted to having no cooking skills at all, glad of having something to do to take her mind off Thorin, if only for a while.

Now she lay in her bedroll near the banked fire and gazed up at the stars that blanketed the night sky. Despite her weariness, crying as much as she had took a lot of energy, she could not fall asleep. She felt guilty for being such a poor travelling companion to Gandalf, what with her endless weeping and vowed to try and hide her misery a little better. It must surely make Gandalf uncomfortable to have to try and console her and he didn't deserve to have to bear the brunt of her pain.

She must have finally fallen asleep because the next she knew, she was being shaken awake by Gandalf. Her blanket was twisted around her body, trapping her hands and it took her a few moments before she was lucid enough to untangle herself and sit up.

"Are you all right?" asked Gandalf.

"What happened?" she asked dazedly. Looking up, she could see the faint lightening of the sky in the east, indicating that dawn was not far off.

"You were having a nightmare," he replied. "A bad one, from the looks of it."

Now that she was a little more alert, she recalled her dream. Unsurprisingly, it was about Thorin and the events on the battlements. Unconsciously, she reached up and touched her throat. Even after a week it was still slightly sore to touch and she was sure the skin was a mottled collage of black, purple and yellow bruises. She hadn't been able to look in a mirror but she was certain the bruises were shaped like fingers and her shirt was not enough to cover the area from view. Her finger lightly touched the four small scabs that had formed at the back of her neck. This would be her physical reminder of Thorin, the scars he had inflicted with his nails. Compared to the scars she would bear within, though, these were nothing.

Gandalf watched her silently, his eyes taking in the bruises which were now a prominent purple and felt guilt and anger. No wonder she was having nightmares. "Would you like to speak of it? It may help."

Bella gave him a grateful look but shook her head. "Thank you for the offer but…I…I don't think I can, yet. Maybe later." She reached out and laid her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry for being such a miserable wretch yesterday. I'll try to be a more entertaining companion from now on."

"It's totally understandable, my dear. Do not be sorry. I'm sure there will be many occasions yet that you will feel despair and I do not want you to try and suppress it for my sake. These feelings need to be let out or they will fester inside and you will never be able to move on with your life."

"I know, Gandalf, but you shouldn't have to bear the brunt of it just because you are the only person around. Nor should you have to put up with my nightmares."

"Well, who better to help bear one's burdens than a friend, hmm? Believe me, my dear, I have borne far greater ones in my time. If you wish to speak of your troubles I am most willing to lend an ear. Sometimes, speaking your thoughts out loud can help make sense of them and may bring a sort of peace to you. We have many weeks of travel before us and you may feel the need to unburden yourself but there will be a great deal of time for you to work out what you need. I will be a willing listener when and if that time comes."

With moist eyes, Bella moved forward and hugged him tightly until she felt him awkwardly return it. "Thank you," she said simply as she let him go, smiling at the discomfort on his face. "I'm not ready yet, but when I am, you may regret making the offer."

"Nonsense, my dear. After some of the company I've kept in my lifetime, I doubt there is anything that can shock me anymore."

Bella chuckled as she rose and began rolling up her bedding. Now that they were both awake, they may as well have breakfast and get an early start on today's travels.

* * *

Although his strength was returning more quickly than anticipated, Thorin was still unable to be on his feet for too long before he felt weak and had to return to his bed. Oin insisted that this was normal and that he was, in fact, recovering far quicker than many others with the same injuries would have. Still, it was frustrating to not be able to get up and do what needed to done to restore Erebor to its former glory. Balin and Dain had done an admirable job on his behalf, but Thorin needed to be active.

Lying around only led to thoughts of _her_, and thinking about her only caused the ache in his chest to intensify. The maelstrom of emotions he felt: love, pain, desire, guilt, longing, anger, tenderness, hurt and all the other unnamed ones were too much for him to cope with in his weakened state so he deliberately pushed thoughts of her away as much as he could. This was why he was pleased to receive visitors while he recuperated. Normally he would find it intensely annoying and slightly embarrassing but if it helped keep his thoughts off her, he welcomed it.

Yesterday they had managed to transfer him back to his old bed chamber within Erebor. Balin had ordered that his old rooms be cleaned and made usable again. Upon inspection, the dwarves had discovered that other than the main doors, the treasury and the rooms surrounding it, much of Erebor had been left untouched. The royal suites, which were located on the upper levels, had not been disturbed by the dragon. There was some damage and cracking to walls and ceilings caused by the shaking when Smaug had initially invaded as well as decades of dust on everything and the stench of the dragon had permeated the entire mountain, but on the whole, it would not take too long to make them liveable again.

Teams of Dain's men had worked tirelessly to repair any structural damage to Thorin's rooms as well as clean and wash all linens they had located in the storage rooms. All windows and doors were to be kept open, at least during the day, to allow fresh air inside and help push out the smell. It would probably take several weeks for the stench to fully disappear but at least it was now tolerable.

When Balin declared it liveable, Thorin had been stretchered inside, much to his displeasure. He had wanted to walk inside the mountain on his own two feet but had barely walked twenty steps when dizziness overcame him and he had to be helped to sit down. He had tried again with the same result and it wasn't until Dwalin threatened to throw him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes that he consented to being carried in, however grudgingly. Besides, he believed that Dwalin would actually carry out his threat.

The first sight of his old bedroom was achingly bittersweet. It looked like he had only been gone a short while, not the many, many decades he and his people had wandered homelessly. Memories of the many hours he and his brother, Frerin, had spent in here in their youth; playing with his little sister Dis, and the numerous visits from his parents and grandfather assailed him.

How he missed them still. If only they could have been here to see their people return home. His mother had perished when the dragon came while his brother and grandfather were buried far from home on the battlegrounds of Azanulbizar. Where his father's body lay he would probably never know. Dis and his nephews were all that remained of his family.

Grief and rage had flared within him as he thought about all he had lost but he tamped it down as best he could. There would be a time to finally properly mourn and honour all those who had been lost once Erebor was functioning properly again but now was not that time.

Now was the time to get Erebor back to what it once was, recall their people back to their homes and restore the pride they once took in their kingdom.

Balin and Dain had been frequent visitors as they reported what was being done in and around the mountain. Thorin saw the slight apprehension in Balin's eyes when he explained his decision to give Bard some of the gold and once again felt guilty for his deplorable behaviour towards his friends whilst under the gold sickness' lure. He reassured Balin that he was in complete agreement with his decision.

"Thank you, Balin, for doing an admirable job in my stead," he said, once they were alone.

"Oh, don't be silly, Thorin. It needed to be done and I know that you have always trusted my decisions," replied Balin with a self-deprecating wave.

"No, you deserve my thanks…and my apologies," he admitted. At Balin's puzzled look he continued. "I behaved abominably before…before the battle. I have no excuse…" When Balin moved to disagree, he held up a hand. "No, the gold sickness is no excuse. I should have fought it harder. I saw what it did to my grandfather, what it did to our people when it brought the dragon down upon us, and I should have listened to you and to…" he faltered on her name. "I should have been more vigilant against it; instead I allowed it to take hold and hurt those I lo…care for. You, my friend, have always served me faithfully and I will always trust that your decisions are for the good of all our people."

Balin placed his hand on Thorin's shoulder, careful not to touch his wounds. "Thank you, my friend. You honour me with your trust and I will not let you down. If it makes you feel better, I accept your apology though you must not lay all blame at your own feet. The behaviour of all the parties was not above reproach, not just yours, so the blame should be shared. As for the gold sickness…yes, it was unfortunate that it took such a strong hold on you but you were able to fight it off in the end…"

"Unfortunate! That would hardly be the word I would use," declared Thorin with a grimace. "And yes, I fought it off, but look at the damage I caused before I did." Thorin's eyes fell to his hands, his expression grim.

"Perhaps not all damage is irreversible," suggested Balin gently, knowing full well what or rather, who, Thorin was thinking of.

Thorin shook his head. "No Balin, some injuries cannot be put to rights again. I acted dishonourably towards my loyal friends and my family and I will need to make amends for that. I grievously harmed the one I love and I don't believe there is anything I could do to atone for my actions. As furious as I was, I should never have raised my hand to her in anger and she would be right not to forgive me for it. Not that I could ask for forgiveness anyway, she's long gone and justifiably hating me."

It was a measure of Thorin's trust that he allowed Balin to hear the despair in his voice as he spoke. With everyone else, he had put on his stoic mask and not allowed anyone to witness the pain he felt. Only with Balin and when alone did he give himself permission to let loose the sorrow that ate at him.

"Bella came to see you before she left," said Balin quietly.

Thorin's gaze shot straight to his face in surprise. "What?"

Balin nodded. "It seems she was here to witness the battle and did not depart until a few days before you woke up."

"She did not leave right away? Foolish hobbit! She might have been killed," muttered Thorin angrily before flushing with guilt. She had nearly died by his own hands first. "Did she look injured, you know, other than the…" he broke off and indicated his throat, unable to say the words.

"No, she seemed fine," replied Balin, noting how Thorin's shoulders slumped slightly in relief. "She came to your tent the morning she left. She said she wanted to say goodbye to you. Dwalin didn't want to let her in but I persuaded him to allow her entry and that I would take responsibility if you were angry about it." A glance at Thorin saw him rub his eyes tiredly as he took in the information. "Bella begged me to let her in, Thorin. That doesn't sound like a person that hates you."

"Probably wanted to say good riddance to her abuser," he muttered. How he wished he had been awake. At least his last image of her would not have been the one of terror that he now replayed over and over in his head.

Balin shook his head in sympathy. "I doubt it, Thorin. She did not look angry, just terribly, terribly sad."

Somehow, that made it even worse. It would only be right that she was angry with him but the thought of her in pain, as he was, was an even harder burden to bear.

* * *

A/N: Thank you once again to lizajay12 for her editing and proofreading efforts on my behalf. It's much appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Did any of you watch the Hobbit Fan Event today? I would have done anything to be in the theatre with Richard Armitage and Orlando Bloom in NY. It was being shown in a cinema in Sydney, and I was so close to pulling a sickie and going but I was a good little worker and went to work instead, damn it! Luckily I have my own office, because I shut the door, arranged for messages and didn't do a scrap of work while it was on, lol. The extended trailer for DoS looks awesome and I can't wait. I've got my extended version of AUJ on order but it doesn't come out here until the 20th but still, I'm getting it in 3D, so I can wait.**

**This next chapter is definitely rated M - I've gone for sensual rather than smutty, but you have been warned :)**

**As per usual, I don't own the characters - if I did, I would have been sitting sandwiched between Richard and Orlando today.**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

The next few days were spent travelling south towards the forest where Gandalf had arranged to meet with their elven guides. Although Bella's manner was subdued, she was determined not to let her own troubles spoil their journey. She had put on a brave face during the day, and when not talking about inconsequential topics, they had travelled in comfortable silence. At night, she let her tears come, crying as quietly as possible so as not to disturb Gandalf although she was certain he knew exactly what she was doing. To her relief, he didn't press her to talk about Thorin as she just wasn't ready yet; it was too raw. He hadn't had to wake her from a nightmare again, for which she was grateful, but they still disturbed her sleep, leaving her tired the next morning.

"How long before we meet with the elves, Gandalf," she asked, forcing her breakfast down. Despite still not having much of an appetite, an unheard of thing for a hobbit, she knew Gandalf was right about needing to keep up her strength so she made herself eat.

"If the weather stays fine, then I believe we should get to the borders of Mirkwood in about three days. If you look closely you can just make out the darkness on the far horizon which is the edge of the forest."

Bella looked hard and could just see a dark, thin line in the distance below the blue sky. The terrain was fairly flat in this part of the world and the horses were having no problems making their way over it.

"What will happen to the horses? Can we take them through the forest?"

"Unfortunately, that will not be possible. The way through the forest would be too difficult for a horse as well as too frightening. I'm sure you remember how it is, Bella?" Bella shivered as she remembered the suffocating atmosphere of the place and how she had longed to see sunlight again. Being as starved and thirsty as the Company had been had not helped.

"Yes, I remember. It was awful and I wish we had another way to get home."

"It is the fastest and the safest. To the north there is still the threat of orcs, which, while decimated, still roam and to the south is Dol Goldur and the evil that lurks there. No, through the elven track will be the safest way for us," he said.

At the mention of Dol Goldur, Bella felt a chill race down her spine and immediately felt the weight of the ring which was deep in her pocket. She wished she could find a way to get rid of it but she was loath to just drop it somewhere on the way. While she didn't fully understand the magic the ring contained, she knew that it could be dangerous. Maybe she should confide in Gandalf and get his opinion on what to do with it? Surely he would know something about its powers? All she really knew was that she didn't enjoy carrying it; it seemed to drag her down – her spirit felt weighed down by a sense of despair which intensified when she wore it. She decided then and there to stop carrying it on her person and put it amongst her belongings as soon as she was able to. Perhaps if she didn't carry it, its effect would be lessened.

"And the horses? What will we do with them?" Despite her misery, she had become attached to her little pony in the last few days as she obediently followed Gandalf's lead.

"The elves will take care of them. We will travel on foot through the forest and hopefully Beorn will supply us with transport once we leave the Forest Gate."

"Do we have to stop in Thranduil's caves? I'd much rather not," grimaced Bella.

"I rather doubt we will be able to avoid it. Our guides will surely lead us there in order to replenish our supplies. I can guarantee a different reception this time, Bella," he replied with a little smile.

"I suppose I don't have any option anyway, but don't expect me to act as if he did nothing to us, Gandalf. I'll be polite, but that's it," she said in a huff. Thinking of the King of Mirkwood raised her ire every time. _I'll be as bad as Thorin soon,_ she thought and immediately felt the pang in her heart. She jumped up and grabbed Gandalf's bowl, wanting to push thoughts of _him_ out her mind. "Well, we'd best be off if we want to meet the elves on time."

Gandalf simply nodded and they both prepared to break camp for the morning.

* * *

They had been travelling for two days, following the shores of the lake on their left. As they rode south they came closer to Esgaroth, or Lake Town, the town built on stilts where they had sought aid after escaping Thranduil's prison by riding the river in wine caskets and which had suffered the dragon's fury. Bella had been trying to avoid looking at it as it came into view, not wanting to see the outline of the destroyed town in the distance but it was difficult. As they got closer to the southern end of the lake, the remains of the town became more visible and although there was no more smoke rising from the burned buildings, the damage sustained became more discernible.

_Is our building still standing?_ She wondered sadly. It seemed unlikely as it had been near the centre of the town which would have felt the full wrath of Smaug.

As much as she had been trying to avoid the subject, in the end she couldn't help herself. "Gandalf, were…were many killed?"

Gandalf looked at her, sadness in his eyes. "Yes, many residents of Lake Town perished. There was not much warning and, while a large number of people managed to get away in time, many old and infirm couldn't."

Bella hung her head in guilt. "It…it was my fault. I made the mistake of hinting who had helped us and this is what I unleashed."

"No, my dear, it's not your fault. Smaug was a very wily dragon, far cleverer than many wish to give him credit for. He would surely have figured it out on his own, regardless of what you said to him. Even if they hadn't helped you, the town was the nearest large population to the mountain and Smaug would most probably have taken out his anger on it when he realised the dwarves had re-entered the mountain. It was always going to be a possible consequence of the quest."

"They didn't deserve to die," whispered Bella.

"Neither did the dwarves of Erebor when the dragon came, nor the people of Dale," he replied. "Both races share a tragic past which should serve to unite them in peace, as it once was. In a way, the orc and goblin invasion was a good thing." At her horrified look, he explained. "The three races were on the brink of war with each other, none willing to compromise. The battle forced them to put that aside for the greater good and I believe that now that cooler heads prevail, they will be able to co-operate. They all need each other but none was willing to acknowledge it."

Bella mused on Gandalf's words, unable to disagree with them. Thorin would have a great deal to accomplish but she knew he would be up to the task. He was a strong, magnetic leader who had already proven his right to rule while in exile. He had done what he had set out to accomplish, with nothing but twelve loyal dwarves, a wizard and a hobbit. Feeling tears start to prick her eyes, she pushed all thoughts of Thorin away. Well, she tried anyway.

Their camp for the night was on the western shore of the lake, close to the southern end and Bella could just make out individual buildings, or what was left of them. The memories of her time in Lake Town kept assailing her and as much as she tried to push them away, they would not leave her in peace. She didn't want to remember what happened there, it hurt too much now.

She had been so happy there despite knowing that they would have to deal with the dragon. After believing for so long that she would always be alone, she knew she had found a love that rivalled the stories told by parents to their children and nothing, not even death, would part them. How wrong she had been.

As she sat on her bedroll, her arms wrapped around her knees and staring at the ruined town, she realised that she could no longer stop the floodgates and just let herself remember.

* * *

_She put on the dress that had been left for her to wear, her own clothes having been taken to be cleaned and repaired. It was most probably a child's dress as it was very snug across her breasts, she almost didn't want to take a breath it was so snug, but the length was just right. Picking up the brush she found on the dresser, she brushed out her curls, now back to its normal honey colour after she'd finally washed it and watched them spring back into place._

_It had been so long since she'd been able to see herself in a mirror and was a little shocked at the changes. She was no longer the slightly plump hobbit she had been when she ran out her door. The amount of walking through Middle Earth and lack of food in Mirkwood had seen her lose weight and now she had cheekbones. The rest of her body was slimmer as well although she still had her womanly curves, a fact which pleased her. She hadn't worn a dress in months and she was pleased with the way it made her look feminine. Would _he_ like it? Blushing, she resumed getting ready._

_She had spent the last two days in bed with a cold and exhaustion which was the result of riding down the river on top of a barrel, along with the stress of the previous two weeks as she struggled to find a way to free the Company. How she survived that, she'd never know but the result was a fever and her head feeling like it was stuffed with wool. Oin had tended to her but she could recall seeing Thorin sitting next to the bed looking at her with worried eyes. His presence had made her feel safe. _

_Thorin. Her heart raced just thinking about him and she felt an aching longing for the handsome dwarf. How did he feel about her? Was she just a passing fancy that would disappear once the mountain was reclaimed? He had kissed her once but that didn't mean he wanted anything more. It could have just been the gravity of the situation at the time and he had now dismissed it as simply the result of heightened emotions._

Well, I can't stay up here all day_, she thought. _I'll take my cues from him and accept whatever comes._ Nervously, she descended the stairs and made for the kitchen where she could hear the raucous laughter of the Company as they had breakfast._

"_Well, aren't ye a sight for sore eyes!" exclaimed Bofur as she entered the room._

"_Bella, you're up," said Kili, rushing towards her and giving her a hug._

"_It's good to see our rescuer well again," said Fili with a cheeky grin. There were several calls of agreement from the others around the table._

"_Now sit yourself down and I'll get you a nice cup of tea," fussed Dori, leading her to an empty seat. "Bombur, please get Bella some food. She needs to build up her strength again."_

_Slightly overwhelmed by the attention, she let herself be led to a seat which happened to be opposite Thorin's and her pulse leapt at the look he gave her. His hypnotic blue eyes were looking intensely into hers, a gleam of something she couldn't name shining in them. For a moment it felt as if they were the only ones in the room and she was only pulled back to reality when Ori asked her how she was feeling._

"_I'm much better, thank you, Ori," she replied, dragging her eyes from Thorin's with great effort. She could feel her cheeks burning as she turned towards the young dwarf and even though she wasn't looking at him, she could still sense Thorin's gaze upon her._

"_Still looking a little flushed there, lass," commented Gloin as he shovelled a mouthful of eggs in his mouth. "Should have stayed in bed longer, I think."_

_Bella shook her head, not about to admit her red cheeks weren't caused by her cold, but rather the heated stare of their leader. "No, I'm fine, thank you, Gloin. A little breakfast will do me the world of good." At her words, Bombur rushed forward to place some bacon and eggs on her plate. _

_While she ate, her eyes met Thorin's and this time she refused to look away, earning herself a slight smirk. His gaze then roamed over her face before slowly moving down over her throat and to the top of her cleavage which was exposed by the cut and tightness of her dress. As his gaze lingered there Bella felt the butterflies in her stomach dance a reel at the barely hidden desire she read in his eyes. _

"_You look well, Bella," said Thorin in that deep, velvety voice that had sent shivers down her spine since the moment she met him. _

"_Thank you, Thorin," she replied. "It's good to be up and about."_

_By this time, the rest of the Company were finishing their breakfasts and were making their way out of the kitchen, leaving only the two of them still in the room. Whether this was by accident or design, Bella didn't know but she wasn't about to question it. The way Thorin was looking at her was making her pulse race and she couldn't help her gaze roaming over his handsome features from those amazing blue eye to his straight nose and those lips which were so soft to touch, all framed by that glorious mane of dark hair. Oh, how she wanted to kiss him again. _

"_You look lovely in that dress," he said softly, drawing her back from her thoughts. _

"_Thank you," Bella replied breathlessly and she could almost taste the sexual tension in the air. She wasn't in any doubt now that he wanted her, his whole demeanour screamed it, especially now they were alone. "It feels good to wear one again after so long."_

"_Would you like to go for a walk around the town? I need to speak to some people with regards to provisions for when we leave and you could probably do with some fresh air…"_

"_I'd love to, Thorin," she interrupted with a smile._

_Thorin smiled at her, his eyes lighting up at her enthusiasm which only made them even more compelling. "Come then, Bella," he said, standing and holding out his hand. She jumped up and took it and felt the zing of electricity that raced through her skin when they touched. She glanced at him and saw in his face that he felt it too and couldn't help smiling when his fingers threaded through hers, thrilled at the small intimacy._

_They spent much of the day wandering around the town, meeting with merchants and exploring the town built on stilts over the water. It seemed as though Thorin took every opportunity to touch her; on her back, shoulders, arms, taking her hand and once pushing a strand of hair off her face, his fingers brushing along her cheek. It was a subtle seduction that held her in its thrall._

_When she bid them all goodnight, she and Thorin shared a lingering glance as she left the room and walked dreamily back to her bedroom. As she got ready for bed she daydreamed about Thorin, remembering the way he'd acted towards her today. _

_Too wound up to go to sleep, she lay in her bed and tried to sort through her feelings. Longing and desire were prominent amongst them along with an aching tenderness. She wanted Thorin with a passion that frightened her. She, who had never met a man that stirred her until this majestic dwarf had walked through her door, wanted to share everything with him, her body, her life, her love. Yes, she loved Thorin, and may have done so from the very beginning without her realising it. Why else could his callous behaviour at the beginning of the quest have hurt her so much? Why would she have blindly thrown herself into danger in order to save him from Azog if she didn't have deep feelings for him? _

_She loved him with everything in her._

_Lost in thought over an hour later, she nearly missed the soft knock on her door. When the tap sounded again, she jumped out of bed and raced to it, heart pounding. Taking a deep breath, she opened it, instinctively knowing who would be standing there. _

"_I hope I didn't awaken you," said Thorin softly, not wanting to draw attention to them from any of the occupants of the other bedrooms on this floor. He was only wearing his dark blue shirt and black breeches and Bella could only admire how attractive he looked._

"_No, I wasn't asleep."_

"_Good," he nodded, staring at her. "May I come in and speak with you?"_

"_Y…yes, of course," she stammered as she moved back and let him into her bedroom which had been quite an adequate size in her opinion until now; with him in it, the space seemed much too small._

_She had barely closed the door when his hands spanned her waist and pushed her back against it, his lips capturing hers in a fiery kiss that sent her senses into overdrive. Winding her arms around his neck with a small sigh, she threw herself into the kiss with fervour, their lips and tongues melding together as they frantically drank each other in. His body pressed hers into the door, allowing her to feel every inch of him, his erection grinding into her stomach. When his lips left hers, she let out a murmur of protest but he only moved lower to take her earlobe into his mouth, nibbling on it for a moment before trailing his lips down her throat to suckle on a tender spot just below her ear. His hands had been roaming across her back and over her bottom but when one moved up and cupped her breast, she couldn't hold back the moan of desire as he gently kneaded it, his thumb teasing her hardened nipple through the material of her nightgown. His body was the only thing holding her up as her legs had threatened to give way the moment he kissed her._

_Thorin moved to capture her mouth again, taking her bottom lip between his and softly biting on it. Bella could feel the desire pooling in her belly and ground her hips against his hardness, earning herself a low growl of approval. Her hands unconsciously moved under his shirt to caress the warm skin there, her fingers tracing over the defined muscles of his stomach. He felt like he was hewn from the rock from which his race was created, covered in velvet skin and soft hair and it was intoxicating._

_Without her realising it, his hands had pushed the linen of her nightgown off her shoulders, exposing her breasts to his wandering hands. Her breathing was now coming in gasps as he rolled her pebbled nipples in his fingers, tugging every now and then, making her ache even more. When he released her lips and moved down to take a nipple in his mouth, Bella couldn't prevent a soft cry as a bolt of pleasure shot straight from her breast to her feminine core._

_At the sound, Thorin released her nipple with a soft 'pop' and looked into her dazed eyes, his own nearly black with passion. "Bella, is this what you really want?" he asked huskily._

_Never had she been so sure of anything in her life so she simply replied, "Yes."_

_With a dazzling smile, Thorin swooped down to claim her lips again, as his hands divested her of her nightgown, leaving her completely naked. With barely a pause, he swept her up into his arms and walked over to the bed before gently laying her down on it. He sat up and gazed at her unclothed form which made her self-conscious and she moved to cover herself but he took her wrists in his hands._

"_Such beauty should not be hidden, my love," he whispered. _

"_Your…your love?" she asked breathlessly, feeling as if she was on a precipice and everything she ever wanted was just a leap away._

_Bella would never have believed that Thorin was capable of such tenderness if she hadn't seen it for herself. He lifted her hand to his mouth and softly kissed her palm before closing her fingers over it and placing her closed fist over her heart._

"_My love," he confirmed. Leaning down, he gave her a tender kiss, his lips barely brushing hers as he spoke. "My heart. My life. My Bella."_

_Tears of joy flooded her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down onto her. "Oh Thorin, I love you so much."_

_Her words were the catalyst for the temporarily banked desire to flare back to life. With barely concealed ferocity, Thorin took her lips with his as his hands roamed over her naked body, committing to memory every curve and hollow. Nudging her thighs apart, he slowly stroked one finger over her moist core which drove her wild, her body feeling like it was on fire from the unfamiliar sensations. He leaned up and watched her face as he gently pressed one finger into her, testing her readiness. When his thumb rubbed circles over her nub, Bella arched her back as waves of pleasure flooded her entire body, her mouth open as she struggled for breath. When her dazed mind came back to earth, she smiled at the slightly smug expression on Thorin's face._

"_Oh my," she breathed shakily as she traced his lips with her fingers._

"_You look truly wondrous in the throes of pleasure, my love," he rasped, his voice thick with lust. "Have you ever…?" he didn't finish the sentence but Bella knew what he was asking._

_She shook her head. "No, I've never met anyone I ever wanted enough to…" she admitted shyly._

"_Then I will take the utmost care, my heart," he replied as he kissed her. "I will stop at nothing to make sure you experience nothing but pleasure. My love deserves no less," he declared and proceeded to prove it._

_Within moments his clothes were discarded and Bella could only stare with awe at his aroused body. It was beyond words and her mouth literally watered with anticipation at their joining. His incredibly broad shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist, his sculpted chest covered with dark hair that was soft to the touch. Thighs and calves like tree-trunks were topped by his proudly erect manhood. _

_Bella's eyes widened in slight apprehension at his size but Thorin ran his hand over her heated body. "We will be perfect together, my love. I would never hurt you," he reassured her as he lay down next to her on the bed and took her in his arms, his erection pressing into her hip._

_Without waiting for a reply, Thorin kissed her deeply for a few moments and then began making his way down her body, kissing and licking her sensitised body. He nudged her legs apart and positioned himself between her thighs and she gasped loudly when his tongue reached out and stroked her core for several minutes before sucking on her tender nub until she climaxed again with another cry, her hands pulling on his braids as if needing an anchor to keep her tethered to this world._

_Not pausing to let her come down from her high, Thorin moved up and with one sure stroke, entered her fully, swallowing her moan with his mouth. He let her adjust to his possession for a moment and at her signal, began moving within her, their moans and cries the only sounds in the room save for the noise made by their bodies coming together. _

_For the first time in her life, Bella felt complete. The loneliness she had felt since her parents had died during the Fell Winter was gone. With Thorin within and around her, it was as if there was nothing in this world that could ever hurt her and she felt utterly safe. She wrapped herself as tightly as she could around him, never wanting to let go._

_Thorin's lips moved to the sensitive spot below her ear as his body increased its tempo, his hips grinding into her, desperate to give both of them the ultimate pleasure. Their breathing grew louder and more ragged as the tension coiled tighter, both teetering on the edge._

_He lifted his head and looked deeply into her eyes, his own glazed with passion and love and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was the other half of her soul._

"_I love you," he sighed thickly._

"_I love you, too, my king," she replied._

_Those words were the trigger to reach the pinnacle and with one last thrust, they climaxed together, their cries echoing around the room._

* * *

Bella hadn't realised that she was crying until she felt a hand on her shoulder and lifted her tear streaked face to see Gandalf looking at her with an expression of deep sympathy.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked gently.

Her first instinct was to say no, but the memories were so vivid that she felt like she was going to fall apart if she didn't get them out, so she slowly nodded her head and proceeded to tell him of the events in Lake Town.

* * *

A/N: Another huge thanks to lizajay12 for her huge help in fine-tuning this chapter.

Let me know what you thought of the chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks once again for all the favourites, follows and reviews. It's much appreciated. **

**Only 5 days until I get my Extended Edition - wish we didn't have to wait so much longer than everywhere else, but oh well.**

**As usual I don't own anything **

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Much to Thorin's relief, his wounds were healing well and he was steadily regaining his strength. He had stopped needing the pain potion and that seemed to speed up his recovery on its own, now that the side effects were no longer draining him of energy. He was able to leave his bed for longer and longer periods during the day but by the evening he felt worn out and would usually retire early.

Unfortunately, those long nights also meant he spent much of it dreaming of Bella. When he wasn't having a nightmare about Bella dying, he would dream of the two of them together in those idyllic weeks before they entered the mountain. For a moment or two when he awoke he was deliriously happy, believing his dreams were real, before reality hit and he would sink to the depths of despair in the knowledge that his beloved hobbit was not sleeping in his arms. There, in the privacy of his bedchamber, he would let the tears fall, some mornings missing her so much he felt he would die of the pain.

It was a well known fact that dwarves only loved once in their lives and that once they found their 'one' they could no more look at another in a romantic way than they could stop breathing. With so few dwarf women in comparison to the males, it was becoming rarer for dwarves to find their soul mates and many went their entire lives without a partner, their craft filling the gap. There had been instances of politically arranged marriages amongst the nobles of different kingdoms, particularly before Erebor was lost but they were the exception. It had been known to happen that one of the partners subsequently met their 'one' and the need to be with them had caused the marriages to collapse. The resulting turmoil that created was deemed too high a price to pay for the sake of a political alliance.

To be away from one's soul-mate was an agonising thing to bear. Whilst a dwarf would not automatically die when their 'one' died, the loneliness and despair could drive them to take their own life, unable to live without their beloved, unless they had a reason to carry on, like children. After the battle of Azanulbizar, the fact that many of the widows had children was the only thing that stopped the exiled dwarves from losing many more of their people. Thorin's sister, Dis, was a prime example. She had channelled her grief at the loss of her husband towards her children, pouring all the love she could no longer give her husband into their sons. If they had died in the recent battle, she would surely have given up and perished along with them.

Thorin wondered if he would have coped better if Bella had been killed by the enemy than with the knowledge that he drove her away. Whilst he would have felt lost and empty, he wouldn't have the piercing regret and guilt that scraped his insides raw until he felt he was slowly bleeding to death. His heart would know that nothing he did could bring her back. As it was, she was somewhere in Middle Earth and the need to be with her, to bring her back home was a compulsion that he fought every minute of the day, only to leave him exhausted by the end of it which resulted in the dreams again. It was a never ending cycle and he honestly didn't know how long he could keep going on like this.

Only the reality that there was so much to be done kept him from succumbing to his pain. Regaining the mountain was only the first step, the easiest step. It was sheer hard work from now on until Erebor was back to its former glory.

Now that he was more mobile, he had finally called a council with Bard and Thranduil to negotiate a treaty between their races. So that they wouldn't be bogged down with the differing opinions of too many voices that could potentially derail talks, they had all agreed only to take two advisors each with them to the negotiating table.

Thorin had asked Dain and Balin to be his two advisors. Dain had been angry at first as he wanted to bring some of his men as well but Thorin had denied him.

"Nothing will get agreed to if there are dozens of differing opinions," pointed out Thorin. "It will take months before my people arrive from Ered Luin and I need to get this mountain workable again so that there is something here for them when they get here. The quicker an agreement is reached with the elves and men, the quicker work can begin in earnest."

"So you would give in to their demands? How do you know they will not take advantage of your weakened state?" replied Dain angrily. "Why should you treaty with the elves when they have treated you so ill?"

"Do you think me so weak that I would lie down and let them walk all over me?" questioned Thorin angrily. "I may yet be recovering but I am still the King and I will do what it takes for my people to come back to something resembling a home. I, not you, watched my people die as we wandered aimlessly through Middle Earth. I have had to endure their pain and it was because of them that I embarked on this quest. A quest which you refused to help me with, if I recall."

Dain flushed with guilt at the reminder. "I apologise, Thorin. Of course I don't think you weak. It just galls me that you have to give up part of your treasure to them. We dwarves should not have to deal with any other than our own as it's always been."

"Dain, I need their help. I am very grateful to you and your men's help until my people arrive but, without their aid and resources, Erebor cannot be rebuilt. All those years of being homeless meant we had no option but to deal with other races, many times to our detriment, and we can longer afford to be the secretive people we used to be if we are to make this mountain liveable and workable again. Those years changed us, changed me. It will be a fair trade and I will rely on you and Balin to help me ensure that happens. And I have learned, to my great cost, that the possession of gold, simply for its own sake, does no-one any good. What good is gold if my people have nothing to eat? It is a tool, a very powerful tool, and I am grateful that we have it, but in the end, just an instrument to enable us to acquire the things we need. I am not going to give it away, I will be sure that we get what we need in return. I saw what the reckless accumulation of gold did to my Grandfather, Dain, and what it did to me. It brought down a dragon upon our kingdom and it caused me to throw away the most important thing in my life. I will be damned if I allow that to happen again."

There was silence for a moment after Thorin stopped speaking. Dain then clasped Thorin's shoulder and nodded his head. "I will help you in any way I can, cousin. I am truly sorry that I did not aid you in reclaiming your home. It did seem a hopeless task but I should have stood by my kin regardless."

"In the end, it was probably for the best that you didn't," replied Thorin. "While I was angry at first it turned out to be what needed to happen; I just didn't see it at the time. Your help now will fulfil any debt you feel you owe me."

The three then spent a number of hours working out what was required to get their kingdom running again, what their terms were during the settlement and what the others had that they could trade their gold for. Thorin was grateful for their help as they pointed out items he missed and vice-versa.

In the end, the negotiations with Bard and Thranduil went better than expected, with only minor disagreements that were easily compromised on. Thorin expected their meeting to be tense and it was awkward at first but when they all saw that the others were prepared to deal fairly with each other, the atmosphere became much warmer. Thorin put aside his dislike of Thranduil for the sake of his kingdom. Though he knew they would never be more than acquaintances, he found that he could work civilly with the elf, particularly after Thranduil gave a long overdue apology for his actions when the dragon came and when he took them prisoner in Mirkwood.

Bard, on the other hand, was someone that Thorin could see himself having closer ties with. In a way, he saw a little of himself in the man; both were exiled leaders of their kingdoms that now had to work hard to re-establish themselves and do the best for their people. Dale had once shared a close and mutually beneficial relationship with Erebor and both had suffered at Smaug's hand. Thorin believed that the relationship could be restored in time and they would both be better for it.

Thorin knew that the most pressing need was to re-establish food supplies. The land and forests surrounding the mountain had once been very fertile and had provided the crops and game needed to feed the inhabitants of both Erebor and Dale. The forest was now gone and the farmlands had been barren for decades. Without a viable food source, there would be no way for anyone to live there again.

The solution had come from an unexpected quarter.

"My people may be able to assist with this," Thranduil announced. "Whilst mining is a dwarven strength, growing and maintaining forests is ours. We have millennia of experience in the tending of living things and we may be able to lend this experience in the restoration of the lands to make them arable once more. Once this is done, we can help restore the forests so that game may once again inhabit them."

"Will this not take several years?" asked Balin.

Thranduil shook his head. "We have our ways that can speed up the process and I predict that within the year there should be a healthy young forest growing. We can also instruct both your people on the fast and efficient growing of crops so that there may be some harvesting done by mid-summer."

Thorin looked slightly shell-shocked at Thranduil's offer and took a moment before asking, "And what would you want in return for your help?" Decades of mistrust did not disappear within a few hours.

"I ask only a fair payment in gold. Also, we have sorely missed the raw materials that we used to obtain from Erebor for the production of weapons and armour as well as other metal items. We would wish to establish trade again with your kingdom as soon as it is viable to do so. We could supply you with food while yours are being grown and you supply us with raw metal."

The offer was indeed generous and Thorin couldn't help thinking that the Elven king might be feeling guilty. Either way, he was not about to turn it down as their skill could mean that by the time the first of his people arrived, they might already be able to feed themselves. "I accept your offer," declared Thorin.

An agreement was made to give Bard the gold that had belonged to the kingdom of Dale less what he had already received, as per Balin's deal with him previously.

"I wish to thank you for returning the Arkenstone," said Thorin, purposely ignoring the pang he felt at the reminder of how Bard had the gem in the first place.

Bard bowed his head in acknowledgement. "It was not mine to keep, Your Majesty. I regret the circumstances in which I acquired it and how my actions may have led to the Halfling's departure. I only wished to obtain what once belonged to my city, not to steal your treasure."

"I believe my actions were solely responsible for Miss Baggins' departure," replied Thorin hollowly. "I do not agree that what she did was right, but I was the one who exiled her for it. None of our behaviour did any of us any credit that day but I believe that we can all benefit from each other's help now." He looked around and saw everyone nodding their heads in agreement.

The damage that Dale had sustained during Smaug's attack was much worse than Erebor's as very few buildings had escaped partial or total destruction and it would take a great deal of rebuilding to make it habitable again. Knowing how few men with farming experience he had until his people returned, Thorin proposed that in return for the dwarves' aid with the rebuilding, the people of Dale would take on the growing of crops. A number of dwarves from the Iron Hills were planning on staying in Erebor and were sending for their families so they would be able to work with the men of Dale. Also, while Erebor's damage could have been greater, there was still a huge amount of work to be done to make it habitable again and the aid of the people of Dale who were willing to help with the clean up would be invaluable. Thorin stressed that any who undertook this work would be paid fairly.

Bard readily agreed to the proposal as none were more skilled in stone work than dwarves. The two race's strengths would complement each other and with time it was hoped that a healthy trade relationship between the two kingdoms would be re-established.

All those around the table knew that there were many years of hard work ahead of them but the tentative beginnings of a brighter future were sown that day.

* * *

After leaving the meeting, Thorin excused himself from the others and slowly made his way towards the treasury room. He had not been back there since the battle. He had been too afraid.

As he drew nearer, he could hear the voices of the dwarves who had been assigned to count and catalogue its contents under the supervision of Gloin. Thorin had given him the role as Treasurer for it was well known he was very canny with money and could be trusted implicitly. Ori was assisting him with the scribe work and was making lists of all the treasures found. It was going to take several weeks of work but Thorin needed to know the state of Erebor's wealth before they could move forward.

Without counting it, Thorin knew it would still be a considerable amount even after it was split between the Company as per their contracts. If there had been no contract, Thorin would have still split the treasure as, without his men, he would not be standing here. He had ordered that Bella's share be kept safely until a way was found to give it to her.

Work was already underway to get the mines operational again. Bofur, as the most experienced miner in the Company, had been put in charge of assessing and implementing what needed to be done. Until the dwarves from Ered Luin arrived, the mining would not be at full capacity but with the dwarves from the Iron Hills, some mines could be re-opened.

Taking a deep breath, Thorin stepped through the heavy metal doors that had been repaired as a priority. Would the gold affect him again?

"Thorin!" hailed Gloin from just inside. "Haven't seen you down here since you've been back on your feet. Come to inspect our work?"

Thorin shook his head. "No. I have complete faith in you, my friend. How goes the work? The stench is still atrocious in here," he said, keeping his eyes on the stone columns as he tried to avoid looking at the mountains of gold coins.

"Aye, that is true," agreed Gloin. "We have been trying to get as much fresh air in here as possible but you can't wipe out decades of dragon filth in a few weeks. On the other hand, the counting is coming along splendidly. Ori has been doing an excellent job in cataloguing and writing everything down and I expect we shall have a fairly accurate estimate for you in about a couple of weeks or so."

"Good work, Gloin," praised Thorin as he clapped his friend's back. "We will then need to store Dale's share of the gold in a separate location until they build their own treasury and it can be moved there."

"I will assign someone to scout out a suitable location," promised Gloin. "How did the negotiations go? Did you kill the elf?"

Thorin chuckled a little as he shook his head. "No, Gloin, I did not. In fact, the talks went very well and I even got an apology from him."

"No! Well I suppose better late than never, huh?" harrumphed Gloin. "Still won't be able to bring myself to like the pointy-eared tree-hugger, though."

"Can't say that I will either, my friend, but we do need his help so it's best to keep relations cordial," agreed Thorin. "It may kill me, though."

Gloin burst out laughing, drawing the attention of the nearby dwarves who were working. He was then summoned by one of them who needed to ask him something, so he excused himself and left Thorin alone.

Knowing he could not put it off any longer, Thorin steeled himself and walked further into the room. Already much of the gold had been sorted through and was stacked in piles as instructed by Gloin rather than lying everywhere as it was when they re-entered the mountain.

As he looked at it, he prepared himself to resist its lure, conscious of any change in his feelings. This gold had driven his grandfather mad and had caused him to mistreat his love and rather than feeling a pull towards it, he was aware that he actually felt a vague repulsion as he took in the piles of precious metal.

It had caused him nothing but misery since he had re-entered the mountain and was to blame for his heartbreak and loneliness. He remembered manically digging through mountains of coins while searching for the Arkenstone, ignoring Bella's pleas to take rest and eat and the harsh words he'd used to get her to leave him. He'd seen the hurt in her eyes but had ignored it in favour of a gem and piles of cold metal.

No, never again would the lure of gold take his reasoning. The price he had paid had been too high.

Turning on his heel, he hurriedly left the treasury. His gold-sickness had claimed another victim. It was time he repaired the rift between himself and his nephew.

* * *

Since the battle, Kili had barely said a few words to him. He had been bedridden for nearly as long as Thorin and was still wearing bandages and a sling as his arm healed slowly. As both got more mobile, they had begun to take their meals with the other dwarves but Kili had avoided sitting at Thorin's table. Instead he would sit with the dwarves of the Iron Hills whilst Thorin was, as king, forced to sit with Dain and his nobles who had come with him. When he tried to approach his nephew, Kili would evade him by leaving from another exit and disappearing into the mountain.

Kili blamed him for Bella's leaving and he was right to do so, sighed Thorin. He knew the two had formed a close bond during the journey and seeing his uncle treat her the way he had had deeply angered and appalled him. So much so, that he could hardly stand to be in the same room as Thorin, much less talk to him as he once had.

Thorin found he missed his nephew's silly jokes and even the pranks he pulled on him. He had looked upon Kili almost as a son and this estrangement made him deeply unhappy.

This rift was also affecting Fili and Kili's relationship. Fili had spent a lot of time with Thorin during his recovery and he could see the sadness within Thorin. He knew his uncle regretted what had happened and missed Bella deeply. Yet, when he tried to tell Kili this in an attempt to repair the damage, Kili angrily dismissed it and still refused to talk to Thorin. Fili felt like he was being pulled in two directions and Thorin could see how it was hurting him.

He was the cause of this and it would be up to him to try to repair his relationship with Kili.

After making enquiries as to Kili's whereabouts, he was pleased to learn that he had returned to his bedchamber in order to have his arm tended to. Oin had instructed that Kili do exercises with it every day so that it might regain as much movement and mobility as possible. This meant that Kili would be effectively 'trapped' in his room for the next hour and be unable to evade him.

Feeling surprisingly nervous about the encounter, Thorin hesitated outside Kili's door instead of knocking. This could go well or it could make things worse, but the problem needed to be addressed and he knew he couldn't put if off any longer. Besides, he _needed_ to fix things with Kili. He'd lost his love; he couldn't take losing Kili as well, and all through his own actions.

Just as he was about to knock, the door opened and Oin stopped in surprise, not expecting his King to be on the other side, before smiling in greeting.

"Good timing, Thorin," he said. "We've just finished up here and young Kili is just getting re-dressed."

"Thank you, Oin," nodded Thorin as he entered the room. Oin gave a slight bow and left, closing the door behind him.

Kili had been facing away from the door and was adjusting his shirt when he heard his uncle's voice. Turning around, he scowled when he saw Thorin lock the door and move towards him.

"What do you want?" he growled, turning away, making it abundantly clear that he did not wish to speak to his uncle.

"Kili, you have been avoiding me since we left our sickbeds."

"Well, doesn't that tell you something? I don't want to talk to you," replied Kili, flushing darkly with anger.

"I know you're angry with me, but please, can we discuss it? You are very dear to me and I don't want us to be estranged from each other."

"If I say no, will you toss me from the battlements as well?" snarled Kili.

Thorin flinched at the venom in his nephew's words and marvelled at his accuracy in striking him precisely where it hurt the most. Running his hand through his hair in frustration, he moved to sit in a chair near the bed. He saw Kili stand as if to move towards the door. "I have the key, Kili," he pointed out, holding it up to for Kili to see.

Realising he was effectively trapped, Kili irately threw himself down on his bed, wincing as the movement jolted his arm.

"I would not have you injure yourself any more," said Thorin, noticing the pain in Kili's face.

"It's fine," replied Kili. "Well, what do you want to tell me?"

Ordinarily, Kili's tone would have Thorin making his displeasure known at his nephew's show of disrespect but he had greater issues to tackle so he let it pass.

"We need to talk about…Bella. My actions towards her are what have made you so incensed and I wish to hear what you have to say."

Kili glared at his uncle. "What is there to say? You treated her like you would an orc and nearly killed her! If Fili and I hadn't stopped you, she would be dead. How could you do that to someone you love? If I displease you in future, will you exile or kill me? All our lives, you taught us to respect and take care of women, that harming one was punishable by death, yet you nearly strangled her to death. I saw the terror in her eyes yet you kept going. How could you?" His voice was thick with unshed tears.

Staring at his hands, it took a few moments before Thorin spoke. "You will never know the shame and regret I feel over my actions that day, Kili. You will never know the nightmares I suffer every night as I watch myself hurt her all over again. I would give everything I have to turn back time and repair what I broke. The pain in my heart is an endless agony and I don't know if it will ever heal. There is a void in my soul that is endless," he said gruffly.

"Why did you do it?"

"It will never be an acceptable excuse, but I was not in my right mind that day. Despite my fears, the gold-sickness took a hold of me and would not let me see past my selfish need to hoard all of it for myself. I thought I was in control until I learned what Bella did with the Arkenstone and then all restraint was lost and I did what I did." Thorin rose and began to pace the room. "No, I must be completely honest with you, if you are ever to forgive me. I was also grievously hurt at her betrayal. Whilst I can now logically see why she did it, it hurt that she chose to give away the very symbol of our kingdom instead of entrusting it to me. It was as if all the promises we made to each other were no longer valid if she didn't trust me. She kept wanting me to give in to their demands, not seeing how it would weaken me in everyone's eyes. I cannot be an effective ruler if I seem weak. She would not see that."

"None of us could talk to you then, Thorin," pointed out Kili. "She wanted us kept alive."

"Do you not think I know that?" replied Thorin heatedly. "But did she have to betray me to achieve that? I have never given my heart to anyone, I didn't believe it would ever happen and her actions ripped me apart. I trusted her. It would have been better if you had all tied me up and locked me away until I came to my senses than for her to hurt me like that. So that hurt turned to anger and combined with the gold-sickness, I did the unforgiveable."

"If she had given you the Arkenstone, would things have been different?" asked Kili.

Thorin shrugged his shoulders as he sat down again. "I don't know. Perhaps. Having the stone may have snapped me out of the sickness and helped me think more clearly or it may have changed nothing. I will never know."

"Why haven't you put it back on the throne if you wanted it so badly?"

"After all that happened, I can't bring myself to look at it now. It only brings me bad memories. I will have to have it returned but I will wait until our people are here."

Neither spoke for a few minutes, both lost in their thoughts. "You were terrifying that day. You didn't look or sound like our uncle," said Kili quietly.

Thorin sighed. "I am so terribly sorry you saw me like that, Kili. I am sorry all of you had to witness it. I hope you will not forever judge me for that one, miserable mistake. If I could change it I would, but I have to live with it." He looked at his nephew. "You, Fili and Dis are my only family and I could not bear to have you hate me as Bella surely does."

"I…I don't hate you, Uncle," replied Kili. "I was just so angry at you but now I see that you are suffering more than from any punishment any of us could mete out. Y…you miss her badly, don't you?"

Thorin lowered his head onto his hands and nodded. "Every single second, Kili. I cannot seem to breathe without her," he said brokenly.

Seeing so much raw emotion was terrifying for Kili and his youth made it difficult to understand. If love caused this much pain, he didn't know if he wanted any part of it. Kili placed his hand on Thorin's shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Why don't you go and bring her back?"

"She must hate me, Kili. If you were angry at me, how do you think she feels?"

"You don't know that. Maybe she misses you just as much as you miss her."

"I doubt it but anyway, how can I leave Erebor when there is so much to be done? It would be irresponsible to leave my duties just for my own personal wishes. Back in Ered Luin I had more freedom but now that I take up the crown, my life will no longer be solely my own."

"And what of your happiness, Uncle? Don't you deserve happiness after all you have done for us? Would not our people prefer to have a king that has a queen he loves by his side than to see him slowly wither away from misery?" asked Kili. When Thorin didn't say anything he tried another tack. "She's your 'One', isn't she?" Thorin simply nodded. "Well then, we all know that a dwarf needs to be with his 'One' or he will eventually fade from heartbreak. What better excuse to leave Erebor and go get Bella back?" he argued. "Besides, it will take months before the caravans from Ered Luin begin arriving so now would be the best time to follow her."

"Bella would need to _want_ to come back and I doubt that," replied Thorin sadly. "No Kili, there are too many reasons why it is not possible. I will have to live with my regret for the rest of my miserable life." He looked at Kili with a faint smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I am glad you don't hate me. I do love you like a son."

"I love you too, Uncle Thorin," he replied. "And we will get Bella back, you'll see."

Thorin shook his head and stood up, embracing his nephew in a hug, careful not to jolt his arm. Feeling weary after the last few hours, he decided to head back to his bedchamber and rest before dinner and as he walked, he realised he felt just a little bit lighter than he had this morning.

Kili watched his uncle leave and shook his head sadly. Thorin might deny it, but eventually his need to be with his 'one' would become too much to bear and something would need to be done. Kili only hoped that day would be soon, for his uncle's sake.

* * *

A/N: Thanks once again to lizajay12 for her proof reading efforts on my behalf.


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